◭ 𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 ◮

Zohran has ended his victory speech by summoning and entrapping the spirit of Andrew Cuomo in a Greater Soul Gem. The translucent former governor's mouth hangs open in a pained howl as he writhes within the jewel, but makes no sound.

Agreed with the Cooler Heads here. This act of political violence may one day soon serve as pretext to justify federal occupation of progressive cities or even unaccountable militias imprisoning people of color without due process at impenetrable, inhumane black sites. Well, I sure hope not!

charlie kirk kissing the wife goodbye as he heads off to his job at the pedophile defending factory

a lot of people are heading online these days without even touching a keyboard or mouse, thanks to what i call "the smartphone revolution." apple got the ball rolling when they came out with the iphone, but there are all kinds of makes and models out there now. selling like hotcakes, too

I hate when someone unearths my pube-autograph to the world's most famous pedophile while I'm dying of cankles

This is a level five Goof Situation, all users report to Riff Stations

I have tons of great ideas. For example: blue shrek

White smoke means the new pope is neither a boy nor a girl

about time

there should be a test that you can take that allows you to be on your phone while driving

it was the 206 at the end that did it for me 🥺

i am juicing stefan’s death

Artist re-hired after AI turned out to be too expensive: I'm not sure any of these assets are usable

Former prompt engineer still making $400k who is now her manager: grateful artist crop top doesn't talk back big boob big ass trending on hinge goes to work slut-style is single and has child's face

A comic I drew on a takeout napkin in 2015. If you're pressed for time, it's the original One Fear comic. Boom. Done. Get on with your day. If you don't value your time, here's a description: it's a comic, right? Well here's the twist: whole thing's on a napkin. Thinest sharpie for the lines, if I recall correctly. Comic is titled "TEEN COMIX" and the first panel has a guy in sunglasses wearing a shirt that says "NO FEAR." His friend is approaching, cut off by the panel's edge. His shirt says... something. But what? Fear not, the next panel clears that right up. Second panel is zoomed in on the friend's shirt. It reads "WHAT IF THEY MADE SIMPSONS PORN ILLEGAL?" Last panel is the guy from the first panel alone now. His shirt now reads "ONE FEAR." The title is attributed to Branson '15 which should go a long way to explaining how far I expected this to spread when I drew it. It was unfathomable to me that people who didn't know me on a first name basis would see it. Little did I know that every fandom on the internet would edit it with something interminable like "The Xanadon Guild receiving a buff from Trade Legion in Era of Conquest IV." I never get them but hey, god bless. I still see those from time to time but it's really slowed down. Nowadays this is an ancient meme, frozen in place like a masturbating Pompeii victim covered in the ash of the centuries.

Happy ten years to this bad boy.

the super bowl commercials and to a lesser extent, the game itself, always remind me that this country produces nothing of value and everyone in it is shit. although i could go for some nerds gummy clusters. that confection feels like a winning combination of two awesome tastes.

70,000 people, paying an average of $5k per ticket, joining together in unison to call Drake a pedophile on the biggest broadcast of the year

an absolute affront to both god and satan

would love to be at drake’s super bowl party for halftime

THEY'RE FLYING OVER A DOMED STADIUM

fuck the stupid ass chiefs forever say it back

happy friday joeybot

[bolt thrower voice]
𝐁 𝐎 𝐋 𝐓 𝐓 𝐇 𝐑 𝐎 𝐖 𝐄 𝐑

let him c̶o̶o̶k̶ sleep

i’m baby

Drumpo and the Muskrat: I'm going to mess up the world, and there's nothing that any of you bastards can do about it.

Senior Democrat Leadership: Oh that simply won't do. We'll be sending a stern email very soon.

Me: I gotta take a big, fat, smelly fuckin' SHIT!!! Asshole ahoy!

shut da fuck up and do literally anything chuck

The American people spoke, and they wanted Elon Musk to be able to share Americans’ personal information from government databases to whatever 19 year old gamers he’s trying to impress on Discord

this post is Big Dinner Boy approved ✅

flawless