"I need a guy who can play a no-nonsense cop with balls of hard, cold steel... get me Al Pachinko!"

Guess the groovy train has been cancelled...

Best explanation of blockchain I've ever seen...

I've noticed lately that there's one popular aftershave that smells of digestive biscuits, and another reminiscent of those weird freshening balls my mum used to chuck in the Hoover.

Definitely didn't have "80s coffee morning" as the vibe in men's fragrances for 2025.

The Police once tried to find out what I knew about Post Office whistleblower Richard Roll.

But I told them I was never gonna give him up.

Whenever I read about the publisher Penguin Michael Joseph.I always subconsciously parse that as a penguin named Michael Joseph.

Do you think he realises...?

Gmail's tendency to abbreviate with a full stop is giving Lord Steel a sort of Shinobi final boss energy here...

How come real-life motorcades never include three guys on dirt bikes with katanas?

Not feeling the new Weekend at Bernie's remake at all...

New Norse animal spirit of Monday mornings just dropped...

#crow #corvid #idontlikemondays

Did anyone order Mulder and Scully from Temu...?

Presumably Netflix retains the rights to any kids that come out of this...

I wanted to learn how to defend myself using only 60s Italian lounge music, but I can't find anywhere in London that can teach me Tae-Quando-Quando-Quando.

It may seem like an innocuous and jolly word by today's standards, but a "flibbertigibbet" was actually a 17th century gallows used to execute people convicted of being overly excitable.

Or something.

Someone in our building has started learning the Koto, which means I'm now sitting outside in the evening sunshine with a sense of inner peace and harmony, but also a slight fear I'm going to be attacked by ninjas.

Everyone else's inventors: "We called this weapon the Hellbomber, to inspire fear."

British inventors: "We called this weapon the Wanking Cyril. Because we were drunk. And it looks like Cyril."

Ooh, someone got swiped right while they were at work today...

#datenight #swiperight #mintyfresh

Naturally. I try to go through DICE if I can. They often seem to have tickets for shows that are also being repped by TM or AXS.

Try buying a ticket for something at the O2 Arena - it seems to be pot luck whether your ticket will show up in the Ticketmaster app, the O2 app, the other Ticketmaster app, or the Ticketmaster at the O2 app. I miss when they just emailed you a PDF.

Someone in Whitehall needs to mention to Keir Starmer that he tweets in the voice of Doctor Doom...

Isn't there a single PR flack in Whitehall brave enough to tell him he tweets like Doctor Doom?

Is Paul Giamatti just Stanley Tucci after a really bad day and too many espressos?

AKA the Jones from Alien effect.

Yeah, that's where most of the truly awful cycling seems to happen, and I can understand why other riders, seeing the constant unpunished lawbreaking, decide they may as well join them. Perhaps commercial and hire bikes should be registered, just like other commercial vehicles.

"So, how did you get the idea for this slogan...?"

The “epic handshake” meme template, the text over the left arms says “sonic the hedgehog, the text over the right arm says “philip k dick”, the text over the clasped hands says “fixing all your problems with more speed”

"relax, it's just for a stock photo - they'll probably use it for a new herbal tea brand or something"

I think a lot of the world's problems have been caused by the sort of people who don't understand why funny cat videos are cute but AI-generated cat videos are sinister.

I'd like cycling and road safety to be taught properly in schools, and for hire bikes to have clear reg numbers so you can report dangerous riding, but prison sentences, no.