Kelly🆘🇺🇸

In retrospect, perhaps Terrifier 2 was the wrong movie to watch with dinner. It makes Saw look like Veggie Tales.

"If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."
-Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"

Have a great Thursday! And I hope your blood doesn't run as cold as mine just did!

I need a grocery sugar daddy

I’m not saying, but I’m just saying…

Mike Johnson is the exact same kid Trump bullied in school.

I am picking up my new glasses tomorrow and I cannot wait.

I will be able to see properly again!

BREAKING: GOP extends abortion ban until 75 years, authorizing euthanasia for Trump.

Time humbles those who consider themselves mighty. Time is the great leveler.

It appears the Netherlands has rejected following the cruel path the US has been taking.

Good.

I want my death certificate to say the truth: killed by capitalism.

Cocktail time 🥃

I hate seeing houses where they go overboard with elaborate Halloween displays in the yard when in fact their property was scary enough without decorations.

my signature fragrance is "First Day Heater is on in the Fall"

After 60, you’re basically just always scanning for places to sit down.

Unsurprisingly.. escaped diseased monkeys.

Damn it! No! But I should have!

“My MRI test was PERFECT! And I didn’t even study!”

-djt

*slowly cracks open a beer while the cop explains why he pulled me over*

“Our disagreement is not merely political, but a fundamental divide on what it means to live in a society, how to be a good person, and why any of that matters.”

That’s right. It’s a Manilow afternoon.

Carrot Stick Navy.

Coconut Cookie Black

Fans will call me Coco Cookie, obviously

ICE OFFICER: excuse me ma’am, were you born here in the U.S.?

MELANIA TRUMP: what you mean, I born, OK? and what is ma’am WHY CALL ME MA’AM I FIRST OF LADIES [getting tased] bEeEeEeEe BeSsSsSsSsSssTtTtTtTt

Them: you can't make this shit up.

Me: you've never heard of fiction?

Your soap opera name is the surname of your favorite historical figure + your social security number

Mine is Grant Here Illegally

The storm is up, and all is on the hazard.

Photo credit: Storm Chaser Adam Lucio on Facebook

I think we all need to take a minute or two to pray for Jamaica as they face the brutal face of Hurricane Melissa. No parties. No politics. Just humans praying for humans. 🙏🙌💗

#Pinks

It won't be long before we go Mad Max on these ICE MFS. So keep it coming, assholes.