Kepi Jensen

Wow, the Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban thing is wild.
...anybody have her number?

"Glk glk glk"
- Monica Crowley 2025

Sorry I haven't been posting... My dog ate my skeets.

Stephen Colbert - JD Vance Sombrero Meme

If you fart in a dream, you die in real life.

This just in: Washington DC area prostitutes seek unemployment due to government shut down.

I called the flag generals and admirals of the US military for a meeting just to listen to the first Third Eye Blind record. My meetings are WAY better Pete.

Riding the old elevator in the back of the warehouse just to feel alive.

Chefs... Today I have prepared for you ramen noodles with what I think are peas and possibly carrots in a nice oversized styrofoam cup. Observe as I pour the hot water up to the line on the inside of the cup.

My puppy with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth.

Thought you could use a pic of my pup being a goof...

Boss: Steve, you put that at the top of the slide, right?

Steve: ...

Boss: THE TOP, RIGHT?!

*Muffled sounds of children screaming in the distance.

Thought I was experiencing the rapture but it turned out that it was just gas.

Tylenol was probably the least harmful thing my mom ingested while she was pregnant.
I turned out fine.
*Blinks all four eyelids*

Maybe Belinda Carlisle was right. Maybe heaven is a place on Earth.

This just in. White House reports the Epstein files have ascended to heaven during the 'totally real greatest Trump rapture, everybody says so.'

Wait... Did he say we need to stop taking "Askitomarzepan"... or was it "Ashitominonlyfans"??

What if the rapture is just a weird portal that sends everyone to Bakersfield?

Bad news guys, rapture postponed indefinitely.

I'm not Rick Astley - I'm probably gonna give you up.

Wait... The rapture is tomorrow?
Does anyone know, is it business casual?

My friends call me 'Moose Knuckle"
- Me flirting.

Groove is, indeed, in the heart.

I embrace this fully. It's what Godzilla wants for me.

Kash Patel... More like "Smash" Patel - amiright ladies?

A classic picture of Robert Redford, iconic actor.

Man... Rest in peace Robert Redford.

From what a read - he ordered a chalupa.

Good morning.

Sorry Mom, according to Facebook we've only been friends for three years.