kmichelle

Happiness is a Budget Budgeting and Monitoring Budgeting and tracking my cash flow is my happy place. It'd be a happier place if I had more of the latter, but I don't, so the former becomes vital. Luckily, I like to organize stuff, and what is money but stuff you trade for other stuff? I have a binder in my office that I use to track the money as it comes in and goes out.

I'd enjoy budgeting more if I had more cash. Still, a tidy ledger is a happy ledger.
#budgeting #debt #accounting

A Conflicted Home – an off-the-cuff joint. I haven't been writing much since my daughter and two grandsons moved in, mostly because it has been difficult, and when things are difficult, I tend to withdraw, shut down, and organize. Serenity through tidying, or something like that. I thought I might struggle with their presence on a practical level - it's been a while since I had a full house - but it's been on the emotional front where things have been hardest.

A Conflicted Home – an off-the-cuff joint.

I haven't been writing much since my daughter and two grandsons moved in, mostly because it has been difficult, and when things are difficult, I tend to withdraw, shut down, and organize. Serenity through tidying, or something like that. I thought I might…

Happy New Year. It’s 2026, and We’re All About Fawning. I'm already tired. 2025 was quite the year for most of us, and 2026 looks to be more of the same, especially if one is attending to the grotesque array of geopolitical challenges facing us. A pox on all who crave interesting times. Are we sure I'm not trapped in a COVID coma dream? Did you have "the US is collapsing into authoritarianism, warmongering, and fascism" on your bingo card?

Happy new year. 2026 is the year I work on my trained responses. Turns out I'm big with the fawning. Recovery and growth come in stages. I learned boundaries first. Undoing the freeze and fawn responses is next on my list.

#trauma #traumaresponse #mentalhealth

December and the Primal Scream – an off-the-cuff joint. 1. I'm not at my best in the fall - depression takes over and takes me for a ride. It's interesting - I can feel my depression creeping up on me as October marches on, and I can feel my brain starting to come back online in fits and starts as December progresses. It's an odd thing to feel your thinking turn back on.

December always feels like chaos to me.

#grief #christmas #stress

Sleep Is A Good Thing To be honest, I can think of nothing worse than not needing sleep. I like the eight-ish hours of unconsciousness I embrace every night. Being on all the time is hard, especially if one lives with a brain that's ambivalent about making good choices. If your life is about performance or prevarication, the promise of more time feels like a curse.

I think to be awake all day, every day would be a nightmare. There is value in downtime, hustle culture notwithstanding.
#mentalhealth #photography #dogs

The Annual, ‘My Depression Is Here Again, and Isn’t That Surprising’ rant – an off-the-cuff joint. 1 I've abandoned any number of writing efforts this month. I hate everything, and that's a hard mindset to push "publish" with. I can't seem to find my feet when it comes to thinking, doing, and feeling. It doesn't help that my motivation is in the toilet. None of this is unusual for me in October - it's my second least favourite month for a reason - but oddly, I forget that it can be problematic until ennui arrives.

I do love the annual visit by depression in October, said no one ever.

#MentalHealth #Depression #EatingDisorderRecovery

Do The Right Thing. 'Doing the right thing' and 'being fair' are virtues I aspire to, and this has been true much of my life, though I look at other people's situations with kinder eyes now, now that I'm older. I could be harsh in my youth when I perceived failure in these areas. This was an especial problem with my eating disorder. The behaviours it demanded led to me breaking my moral code in all kinds of ways.

I think we should all aspire to an ethical life. Imagine what a lovely world that would be.
#ethics #morality #philosophy

I Wish I Knew How To Everything. Once upon a time, early in the aughts, I had a thought - they're rare, so I try to mark the occasions. I thought that maybe I'd buy an old, 1982 Honda Civic station wagon to repair and get back into running shape. I'd had one during my first few years at university, and loved it. I thought I could get one of those "All About" car repair manuals and work on it with my son.

I don't like interesting times. I don't like living next to the US, which more and more looks like an aggressive, failing state. Who knew I'd need to worry about a North American war?
#politics #life #interestingtimes

The Shopping Fast – I Did Not Learn to Crochet Taking a shopping break. A little over a year ago, I decided I needed to take a break from shopping. I had in my possession too many possessions, too much of almost everything, really, save money. I'd made shopping into a daily recreation and socialization activity, and justified the relentless consuming by sticking to thrift stores. It doesn't count if I buy it used, right?

A little more than a year ago, I decided to seriously curtail my personal shopping.

Year's over, but I'm not going back. Not constantly acquiring stuff feels good.

#capitalism #consumerism #recovery

There’s No “Right” Life, There’s Just Life – an off-the-cuff joint. Bits of my brain are busy trying to engage the rest in an existential crisis. I tend to them when I'm stressed. It's a bit of a quirk. We all have our maladaptive coping mechanisms, though I seem particularly blessed in that regard. I'm old enough to feel my inner Kraken wanting to speak to some kind of manager. My brain is also busy trying to convince me that all would be smooth sailing if I could perhaps see my way clear to losing ten pounds, which is a definite "Danger, Will Robinson" moment in my eating disorder recovery.

The meaning of life is to live it. People have tried to hammer that lesson home to us forever. We're very resistant.
#dailyprompt #life #mentalhealth

What You Don’t Know Is Important – Intimate Partner Violence In The Family The times, they are a-changin'. It's been a minute. What's new and exciting? This was the question I asked my kids when they came home from school, back when they were small. It's the question I ask my grandson now. I rarely ask it of myself, as I'm well aware of the changes as they happen. We've had all kinds of change here on my version of Walton Mountain this past summer.

Domestic violence and intimate partner violence are scourges. I can't believe we still haven't fixed this basic societal problem. We cannot thrive if we tolerate violence.

#domesticviolence #intimatepartnerviolence #abuse

Imaginary Entrepreneurship I thought about opening a restaurant for a while. It wouldn't have been a stretch - I have quite a bit of experience in the food service industry in various capacities. I liked the idea because, when I imagined things, it felt a lot like Cheers, and who doesn't want to own a cool joint? I decided I would call it "You'll Eat What I Give You, and Like It." It would be one of those breakfast and lunch places you mostly find in office and industrial areas, and the menu would be whatever I felt like making, leaning heavily on sandwiches and noodle or rice bowls.

I used to imagine owning a business. My imaginings were more sitcom-like than actually entrepreneurial, however.
#dailypromt #writing #daydreams

The Best Laid Plans…an off-the-cuff joint. I had plans for the beginning of August that didn't include chaos. I was thinking maybe camping. The chaos isn't originating with me this time, though I come to it easily enough; it's coming from my daughter's. She is ready to pull the trigger and leave the abusive relationship she's in, which is fabulous news. She's going to be moving into my home with my two grandsons, also fun, if requiring some adapting on my part.

The Best Laid Plans…an off-the-cuff joint.

I had plans for the beginning of August that didn't include chaos. I was thinking maybe camping. The chaos isn't originating with me this time, though I come to it easily enough; it's coming from my daughter's. She is ready to pull the trigger and leave…

Endings and Continuations: Finishing 30-Soft, and What Happens Next The finish line. July has come to an end, and so has my commitment to 30-Soft, the plan I decided to follow to kick myself out of an extended period of stalled ennui. It was a simple plan, on paper, and the changes didn't seem too onerous: follow a healthy eating plan; drink enough water; exercise at least twice a day, once outside; read at least ten pages of (inspirational) non-fiction; and take a daily selfie.

It's funny how quickly thirty days passes once you leave childhood behind. I finished my 30-Soft. It's gone well. So well, that I don't think we call it "finished."

I've made some changes...

#mentalhealth #selfcare #recovery

Change Is Easy – Maintenance Is Hard I decided to make some changes in my life to kick myself out of the depression and grief-based inertia that was doing a good job of keeping me fairly embedded in mud - or at least feeling that way - for the past several months. Luckily, synchronicity reared its head as I hoped for inspiration; I started seeing social media posts about the…

Change Is Easy – Maintenance Is Hard

I decided to make some changes in my life to kick myself out of the depression and grief-based inertia that was doing a good job of keeping me fairly embedded in mud - or at least feeling that way - for the past several months. Luckily, synchronicity reared its…

Modern Is Small. What would I change about "modern" society? Are we so sure we're modern? What does that even mean? Some of us are technologically advanced. Some of us have lots of toys and stuff. Some of us aren't sure we'll have food or water today. Some of us will die today because we lack healthcare or clean water. Are we including all that under the banner of "modern?"

What is "modern," anyway?

#dailyprompt #modern #offthecuff

Fruits, Vegetables, and Eating Disorder Recovery I I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, and this has been true for most of my life. I’ve never been a huge fan of meat. It’s mostly the taste, though the eating disorder also made it about the calories. On the other hand, I can’t think of a single fruit or vegetable I’ve tried that I’ve disliked, though some I perhaps wouldn’t put into regular rotation.

Two weeks of 30-Soft and still going fine. The healthy eating is the least challenging aspect, which my eating disorder recovery finds interesting.
#30soft #eatingdisorderrecovery #mentalhealth

Ten Things I Know To Be True I'm fifty-six years under my belt, and so far, I've made quite a few mistakes. I've also managed to learn a thing or two. Sometimes, I try to pass life lessons to my kids, but they're in their twenties, and, as is customary at that age, they know everything, so I have to dispense the pearls elsewhere. It's not unexpected - I knew everything myself at that age.

10 Things I Know To Be True - the list changes as you age.

#tenthings #advice #adulting

I Have Troubles With Dresses Conspicuous consumption I have a lot of dresses for someone who mostly doesn't wear them. The owning and holding is something that started about a decade ago, shortly after I returned home from an inpatient eating disorder treatment program. Before that, I had only a few, special occasion dresses in my closet, old faithfuls that I'd haul out for weddings, funerals, and Christmas dinner.

I like dresses, even though I struggle. Eating disorders get their tentacles into everything.

#dresses #eatingdisorderrecovery #mentalhealth

My 30-Soft, One Week On The why of my 30-Soft I've been struggling this year. Everything felt hard, and I felt extremely unproductive. I was rarely happy with what I'd managed to accomplish at the end of the day. I felt like I was engaging in too much lateral movement - reorganizing things is fun, and helps calm me down when my anxiety is spiking, but truthfully, it's not changing much.

30-Soft, and what I've learned the first week.

#mentalhealth #recovery #30Soft

I Always Have Music I'm not a music snob, any more than I'm a literature snob. I've never seen much reason to exclude anything simply because of a category. I dislike things based on individual metrics, not by its inclusion in a genre. Many people don't understand about personalizing their dislikes; they're willing to hate across categories instead. I've a friend who rejects all country music as a matter of course.

I Always Have Music

I'm not a music snob, any more than I'm a literature snob. I've never seen much reason to exclude anything simply because of a category. I dislike things based on individual metrics, not by its inclusion in a genre. Many people don't understand about personalizing their…

Product Rotation and Wearing Dresses. FIFO I've worked quite a few food service jobs in various capacities in my life. A couple of the lessons really stuck with me. The first was, work clean. "Clean as you go" was a big part of my early fast food training, along with "time to lean, time to clean." Work at anything long enough and you become an expert.

Product Rotation and Wearing Dresses.

FIFO I've worked quite a few food service jobs in various capacities in my life. A couple of the lessons really stuck with me. The first was, work clean. "Clean as you go" was a big part of my early fast food training, along with "time to lean, time to clean."…

And Then There Was Camera Roll I've always wanted to take good pictures. I'm hampered in my desire by a few things. I don't have a camera. I don't read books or watch how-to videos on taking good pictures, and I haven't taken any photography courses. It's as though I expect the skill to show up in a savant-like manner. I want to be good at it, so that's how it should go.

I want to be a better photographer. I should probably start taking more photos. I expect too much in the way of native skill far too often.

#recovery #mentalhealth #photography

Doing Thirty-Soft. In A Rut I've been in a rut that I can't quite shake. Part of that was the annual spring depression, though that's waning now. Unfortunately, the rut hasn't filled itself in, nor do I find myself magically out of it, ready to start walking up the street. It would be easier to get going if the rut didn't appear to be filled with heavy mud.

I'm going to do the 30-soft this July. 75-hard seemed a bit much when I'm still clawing my way out of depression.
#mentalhealth #recovery #30soft

June 2025 – The Movies I Watched, The Books I Read. I didn't read much this month, or rather, I didn't read much in the way of books. I read journal articles instead, along with blog posts and news releases. Inquiring minds want to know. I worked hard at staying informed and educated until about the twentieth of the month, when the state of life, the universe, and everything - thank you, Douglas Adams - became all a bit much.

June 2025 – The Movies I Watched, The Books I Read.

I didn't read much this month, or rather, I didn't read much in the way of books. I read journal articles instead, along with blog posts and news releases. Inquiring minds want to know. I worked hard at staying informed and educated until about…

dead is dead I lose a fair bit in the way of thought and phrases as a result of not writing things down as they occur. I tell myself I'll remember the train of thought. I tell myself I'll remember the circumstances that led to the inspiration and make lightning strike twice. Neither of those things ever happens. Sometimes, I forget I've had an idea at all.

dead is dead

I lose a fair bit in the way of thought and phrases as a result of not writing things down as they occur. I tell myself I'll remember the train of thought. I tell myself I'll remember the circumstances that led to the inspiration and make lightning strike twice. Neither of those…

It’s Good To Like Yourself, Actually. *trigger warning, discussion of self-harm, attempted suicide Fine Forearms I used to tell people that the thing I liked most about myself was my forearms. It's true. They're aesthetically very pleasing. They're symmetrical, which is a win on the human approval scale right off the hop. We're wired to like symmetry. I suspect that's one of the reasons my nerve-damaged chin bothers me so much - it sits slightly askew.

It’s Good To Like Yourself, Actually.

*trigger warning, discussion of self-harm, attempted suicide Fine Forearms I used to tell people that the thing I liked most about myself was my forearms. It's true. They're aesthetically very pleasing. They're symmetrical, which is a win on the human approval…

Rewriting the Narrative: From Self-Doubt to Self-Acceptance Prove You Earned That Air I struggle with feeling that I’ve not done enough to earn my air at any given moment of my existence. These long-standing feelings of insufficiency, of not being enough just as I am, without improvement, provided a door that my eating disorder used to sneak into my psyche with, and there she set up camp.

Movies and books have long been my safe space. They've no judgment, whereas my brain has too much. How interesting that recording the consumption thereof is helping me let negative judgments about productivity and earning our air go.

#mentalhealth #anxiety #books #movies

May 2025 – Movies I Watched, Books I Read San Andreas (2016)[i] The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) “The Hot Zone,” by Jayne Castle “Siren’s Call,” by Jayne Castle 400 Days (2020) “Illusion Town,” by Jayne Castle “Deal With the Devil,” by Kit Rocha Bird Box (2018) Paradise Hills (2018) Otherhood (2019) No Escape (2015) “Menopause and You” Doors (2021) Knowing (2009) My Sister’s Keeper (2009) Uglies (2024) Mona Lisa Smile (2004)

May 2025 – Movies I Watched, Books I Read

San Andreas (2016)[i] The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) “The Hot Zone,” by Jayne Castle “Siren’s Call,” by Jayne Castle 400 Days (2020) “Illusion Town,” by Jayne Castle “Deal With the Devil,” by Kit Rocha Bird Box (2018) Paradise Hills (2018) Otherhood (2019)…

April 2025 – Movies I Watched, Books I Read The Age of Adeline (2015) [i] Midnight Mass (2024) Jupiter Ascending (2015) Aquaman (2010) Gravity (2013) Contagion (20111) “Taylor Swift Style,” by Sarah Chappelle “The Return of Rafe MacKade,” by Nora Roberts Godzilla (2014) The Meg (2017) Abagail (2024) The Night Eats the World (2018) Let Me In (2010) Irish Wish (2024) “Guild Boss,” by Jayne Castle Stargate (1994) The Lazarus Effect (2015)

April 2025 – Movies I Watched, Books I Read

The Age of Adeline (2015) [i] Midnight Mass (2024) Jupiter Ascending (2015) Aquaman (2010) Gravity (2013) Contagion (20111) “Taylor Swift Style,” by Sarah Chappelle “The Return of Rafe MacKade,” by Nora Roberts Godzilla (2014) The Meg (2017) Abagail…