Jenni Polodna

me & the baby watching a vid on the ancient Maya

historian says Maya elites used to elongate their babies' skulls so they'd look more like corn & when he says this the baby locks eyes with me underneath his little plagiocephaly helmet like "I know you're fuckin thinkin about it"

I do love corn

I thought the baby would like these crunchy corn snack sticks 'cause he's always trying to eat our food

he won't even put em in his MOUTH

this kid puts EVERYTHING in his mouth!

he's got a plastic bucket he's been trying to eat for six months now

buddy wtf is wrong with these corn things?

Discovering computer as an adult makes you go crazy. Discovering computer as a baby makes you go crazy. In all of human history, there will only ever be one generation to discover computer at the correct age: 13

well yeah you don't want to negotiate your eye cum in public

A screengrab from Hideo Kojima's "Policenauts". "Now I'm a private eye-cum-negotiator"

no matter how bad things get, at least you don't have this guy's job

I'm excited to see what got one point!

took the baby to the helmet doctor & there's another baby getting buckled into his carseat to go home

kid starts screaming & the dad goes "I'm sorry I pinched you in the junkies, buddy"

I'm sorry I pinched you in the junkies

an office chair with the back rest put on backwards and the seat put on upside down

me: if I were on Taskmaster I would simply read and comprehend all of the instructions in the task

also me:

checked the mail & there was a package for "Chris Customer" from "fun.com" which is the most suspicious thing I've seen since they started selling that "Harmless Coconut Water"

I dropped my phone on my lap and it typed "plop"

on page 7 Hassle Moose walks past a red bird with no name or dialogue & now that bird stars in his own three-season Netflix series

every modern children's book is like "Hassle Moose, he's a moose who likes to hassle a park ranger" & you're like "well that's kinda cute" then you flip it over & it's got 20 bestselling spinoffs such as "Hassle Moose Buys Eighty Yachts" and "Hassle Moose Is A Bigger Deal Than Jesus"

baby: *blows raspberry into my shoulder*
me: *blows raspberry into the baby's arm*
baby: pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt
me: plllbbbblblblt
baby: pbblbbbbtttt
me: PBBBLBLBLBTTTTTT
Chris: Y'all are weird

A chart called "Heatmap of compound curse words used online." Plots the frequency of pejorative compounds (e.g. "dumbass," "douchewad") on Reddit, 2006-2020. Each crossing point between a row and column is shaded from light yellow to dark red, depending on how often the word was used. "Scumbag," for example, is very dark, while "wankclown" is very pale. Because of course a wankclown would be.

Look at this beautiful data visualization by a man named Colin

just Cask of Amontillado him into the wall with his head sticking out

people on the internet like "it's a high chair, does it really need a 5-point restraint? that seems excessive 🧐" & I'm all "must be interesting not having an ExXxTreme SportzZz Action Baby sponsored by Red Bull Infantifuel Nitro, if I don't web him up like Frodo Baggins he's on the ceiling fan"

just went to plug a lamp back in that I'd unplugged to plug in my laptop & caught myself thinking "this is a good deed, I'm a good steward of the earth"

@blueprincegame.bsky.social My 7 year old son and I attended or local video game convention in MN (2D Con) this weekend. We love playing Blue Prince together, so he cosplayed as Simon. Spent time at various doors around the con trying to draft rooms.

ok stop me if someone has something like this already but drawing program idea

it's undo but it plays your previous action back pixel by pixel and you stop it at the point shit went off the rails

"mumther I wish to ungrow my legs and return to the ocean like Backwards Ariel"

when you're new to making games, it's easy to think it's about making art and making the right decisions and having the best taste. but actually making games is about dancing really good when the old west bandit shoots bullets at your toes

baby update, he's fascinated with PhD linguist Erica Brozovsky

she's got a nautical etymology vid where she's wearing a sailor suit & when he sees this his face lights UP, like he is DELIGHTED

I'm like yes it's p cute but wtf bud you don't know what a sailor suit IS, not sure you understand WATER

(playing Valheim while the baby naps) him sleeping, that's where I'm a Viking

"what's 7 times 3" BAM I'm gonna tell you so hard you'll have to get a medical doctor to pull that 21 out of your ass with a big pair of forceps

saw someone post "be nice to your kids as they go back to school because just imagine you were the one being sent back" & lemme tell ya tho I FANTASIZE about getting sent back to school with my current brain, I would CRUSH that shit like a fully geared level 80 trampling through Elwynn Forest

saw a riddle that went "I live inside a SQUARE but I am ROUND my whole body is TRIANGLES wat am I" and was convinced the answer was gonna be Cait Sith from Final Fantasy 7

parenting tip: if you say "haha he just loves to scratch his little fingienails on the mesh of his playpen!" it sounds so much nicer than "he's constantly clawing at the walls of his prison in a futile attempt to escape"

I called it

299. Skin Fortress With Armed Idiot Lords: Jenni and Robb. We discuss multiple people responding with the same mystifying emoji, role-playing with a four year old about stealing Toxic Waste candy and lying to the cops about it, choosing...

I am on episode 299 of Topic Lords, which dropped today! Along with @hamsterdisco.bsky.social and mogwai_poet. Many topics were discussed, along with micro-topics viewable at the link. I was thrilled to participate; I hope you listen in and have a few laughs.

topiclords.com/skin-fortres...