Jenni Polodna

actually wait I've just received a breaking news update that the baby is asleep

I need to apologize

earlier I tried to give the baby a nap on the grounds that it was "about naptime" & he was "acting sleepy"

I've since been informed by his spirited flopping & shrieking that he does NOT need a nap now or ever again

to make up for this I will be allowing him to stay up forever

like straight up in 90 minutes a narrative designer who's never watched an American football game before is going to galaxy brain the fuck out and... I guess just invent blaseball again probably huh

deeply enjoy how all my Xennial nerd friends are making announcements today like "right, in the spirit of resistance I am going to put on the sports-ball and allow the sweaty mans to grunt at balls in my vicinity, if I die from too much ball exposure please bury me underneath the library"

"hey kid you wanna go lie on some eggs?"

honestly I don't know! I just went to make the post & glimpsed a horrible vision of a future in which the only responses it got were people saying "who tf refrigerates hot sauce?"

now the responses it's getting are all from enthusiastic hot sauce refrigerators! so I really dodged a bus there!

that's really sweet and sounds like it should work tho!

the baby is currently, and I'm not exaggerating, completely emotionally destroyed because I won't hold the fridge door open so he can visit his best friend the hot sauce

(any inquiries about "who tf refrigerates hot sauce" can be directed to the guy I live with who refrigerates hot sauce, thanks)

YOU HAD ONE JOB, XYLOPHONE

in case you're curious about how angry Minnesota is about ICE, it was -20 today

[D&D, David's char wins the combat to join the space harem, is welcomed by a giant floating orca]
DM: I can't do the voice but its vocoder makes it sound like Fred Flintstone
orca: I think you'll be a great addition, you'll love it
David: Thanks, I'm excited to yabba-dabba-do people
me: [dies]

passing this mutual aid linktree along from a friend in Minneapolis if you haven't seen it yet

linktr.ee/mplsmutualaid

I ordered a Steam deck earlier today and I'm going to tell people it was for this

omg @rifflesby.bsky.social you seein this

can labeled Baby's Only Organic Sensitive Toddler Drink

oh good, the store has my drink

"surely you will have outgrown your little autism by now unless of course you are too Rain Man to breed"

the problem with an untrained secret police squad that shoots people in their cars isn’t that they’re untrained

Abcnews graphic: surreal moment as coyote drinks water from skylight window on top of Los Angeles hair salon (Image of exactly that, except the framing is canted and as a result it looks like a coyote imprisoned in a glass square a la the phantom zone from Superman)

I understand why they had to stop him but I don’t agree with imprisoning him in the phantom zone

the gen zs tell me corduroy is back in a big way

Chris: I don't trust that thing, it's like a warlock object

me: You think we're gonna lose him to the fey?

Chris: Yeah he's gonna get isekai'd inside of it and he'll be waving at us but we won't be able to see him because he's tiny

who tf invites a baby to go kayaking?

somebody bought the baby a mildly insane talking object called a Joyful Fairy House

mostly he likes to hit the button that makes a deep voice say "Stay hydrated, buddy" but he's also got a voicemail from someone named Mark who wants to go kayaking this weekend

in town, specifically, being where they are back! the boys!

the baby: [suddenly bored, looks at me ready to complain]
me, panicked, singing: me and the boys go round and round, round and round, round and round, me and the boys go round and round because they're back in town
the baby: [nods, satisfied, returns to toy]
me: phew I think he bought it

can't fucking believe I spent the entire day of the baby's first birthday forgetting to say "he's just a little guy! and today's his birthday!" smdh bad parenting

you should always be able to pick the face you make when you say something in addition to the text

so if that was you in the Dobson & Ray Sprouts parking lot around noon today we are friends now, I don't make the rules

one of my hipster fantasies has always been that when I'm blasting music with the window down, another hipster is gonna go "omg I LOVE this song, that's so cool"

finally accepted this was stupid & unrealistic UNTIL TODAY when someone in the Sprouts parking lot was blasting Shum by GO_A??? SO COOL

dashboard of a plastic toy baby car with a sticker of a numbered dial permanently set to two and a half

"sir I pulled you over because you were going two and a half"
"two and a half what?"
"just two and a half"