Robert Simmons

Neanderthals likely ate fermented meat with a side of maggots New research highlights the prevalence of maggots as an easily obtained, nutrient-rich supplement of ancient hominin diets.

Pro tip: If you're ever facing rabbit starvation, consider becoming a maggot rancher.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I think a Venn diagram is the wrong visualization of this. It probably doesn't matter since most people will immediately get the joke. Perhaps a flowchart / decision tree? Never forget to always second guess yourself when considering including a Venn diagram

Fingers crossed, I'll be able to stand up this Thanksgiving and say, "I'm thankful that him being a pedophile was finally too much for some people."

Once the penny goes away the choice between nickels and dimes will be a tough one. I tell myself I can handle that many nickels, but truthfully I think I'd rather do the "march of dimes."

Can you imagine the feeling someone will get fifty years from now when they find a roll of pennies? It's almost your duty to hide at least one roll somewhere, e.g. in your attic, buried in your yard, inside of one of your patients...

Elon Musk uses backdoors into gov't systems to get everyone hired and screw what he refers to as "the man." You slap a celebrity voice onto a grok avatar (John Ratzenberger), it and Elon have deep or moronic conversations in which grok teaches Elon to be a real boy (ep. You Auto Complete Me).

Party platform ideas: ban consumer fireworks.

Sitcom idea: the new ICE-stapo positions are filled by Medicaid recipients trying to meet their new work requirements. Hilarity ensues.

Product idea: in the event of a parent's death, deploy a bot to like all of their children's posts on social media.

The death of Fakespot may hurt more than the end of Google Reader.

The new flag design will gain the distinction of serving as an official national flag for the shortest duration in history, 11 hours and 27 minutes, after Trump gets a much cooler idea.

While he's poking around in the flag stuff, DJT will also update the pledge of allegiance to refer to the "great big beautiful flag, the one with the gun on it," just to avoid any confusion. State media will applaud the new flag design.

The new U.S. flag design will include 51 stars and the silhouette of an AR-15 because "it's really a helluva gun and a much better gun than the AK-47, which most people don't know is on the flags of some pretty nasty countries."

Prediction: Trump's addition of a 51st U.S. state will require a flag redesign. DJT will handle it personally because he's always been a great lover of flags.

The AI prompt that rendered the movie "The Alto Knights" probably went something like this: Deniro and Pesci together again as 1950s New York crime bosses, like Casino, but I want Deniro to play both roles. You fill in the rest with some mob stuff.

I'm finally done filling out my fantasy papal conclave bracket. I'm all in on Pizzaballa becoming Pope Sixtus VI. I'm going to be rich, baby!

Prediction: Jake Paul is this timeline's Dwayne Camacho.

‎Gemini - Word Length: "Aspirational" Count Created with Gemini

Gemini derailed our little word game today by briefly insisting that "brainstorm" has 12 letters. But AI is notoriously 6 fingered to our 5-ish. Was this an AI jibe, implying I need my fingers to count so I couldn't possibly verify anything over 10!? This may be how the war starts.

Pete Hegseth looks like he owns a Cobra Kai franchise.

Breaking prediction: Musk will cast all of his votes for the Vance/Trump ticket. When Vance refuses to step aside for Trump's third term, Musk introduces a $3.14 million bounty on the sitting president. SCOTUS finds no rule against it. Trump proclaims people are saying the bounty should be higher.

No rescue attempt is ever made.

With no proper puppetry equipment, Musk fashions crude marionettes from the corpses of his former crewmates and underlings. "Ground Control to Musk, Elon" is the most watched show in history and becomes the only official source of childhood education material in much of the southern United States.

Prediction: Elon Musk will be the only human inhabitant of Mars after the entire crew of the Memeflower (his super cool spaceship) died under mysterious circumstances. Stranded on Mars, Musk tries to connect with the children he left behind on Earth by producing his own educational children's show.

Prediction: Musk will expand "cash for progeny" programs & surpass Genghis Khan's genetic legacy. "Musk mouth" will be the new Habsburg jaw. The 13/37th compromise included in the new constitution allows parents to proxy vote for children age fetus to 17. Musk singlehandedly picks the next POTUS.

Oops. Quantum reflux.

Prediction: DJT will be the first co-president to exercise the pre-pardon no-backsies with double super undo protection for life or longer. The pre-pardon will be issued for clone emperor DJT who is scheduled to win the next presidential election, brought to you by Brawndo, the thirst mutilator.

Prediction: stuff (including "things") will no longer be sealed for your protection. That's for pussies.

It's hard to deny the irresistible allure of Greenland.

The world just feels like we're living the backstory of a new Bond movie. Will SpaceX be launching rockets from the inside of a volcano or mine shaft to Musk's orbital HQ any time soon? That seems like a finale type of setting. It's all coming together.

I'm at least 5% sure that if the JFK assassination files are actually released they'll finally prove that crooked Joe Biden was the second shooter all along.