A Random Brandon @brandomonium

In my day there was only 2 kinds of weed, gasoline lawnmower and carpet fibers from the Playboy mansion, and it all worked on an elaborate lottery system

07.02.2026 23:59 — 👍 8 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0

My tiny shred of sunshine today comes from the company I use for composting at my business, who signs off on all their emails with the salutation 'Worm wishes'

02.02.2026 20:30 — 👍 507 🔁 83 💬 4 📌 0

I need to stop buying up domain names out of spite because I am surprised when I get charged for renewal two years after I was mad

03.02.2026 14:36 — 👍 145 🔁 25 💬 4 📌 0

michelle mao as rosamund li in bridgerton seated on a couch wearing a dress that looks like the green arizona iced tea

close up of the dress which is light green and has branches with pink flowers on it just like arizona iced tea

a can of arizona iced tea

watching bridgerton s4 our girl went to the masquerade ball dressed as arizona iced tea

01.02.2026 22:31 — 👍 263 🔁 32 💬 5 📌 2

and tiny greg, who WAS fired

27.01.2026 01:36 — 👍 99 🔁 20 💬 3 📌 1

Ranking every condiment by degrees of sensuality

28.01.2026 13:44 — 👍 254 🔁 63 💬 60 📌 4

when will the political unrest settle down so I can go back to talking about myself???

27.01.2026 04:09 — 👍 282 🔁 47 💬 10 📌 0

BILL KRISTOL: Dems should immediately go on the offensive.

CHUCK SCHUMER: *loud farting noises*

26.01.2026 23:42 — 👍 215 🔁 28 💬 8 📌 0

Thnx

26.01.2026 23:53 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I walked two miles uphill in the icy sludge this morning just so I can honestly torture my children later

26.01.2026 16:00 — 👍 91 🔁 18 💬 2 📌 0

I’m getting a lot of fundraising texts from Dems, and I WONT GIVE YOU MONEY SO YOU CAN STILL DO NOTHING BUT WITH MORE MONEY

26.01.2026 18:22 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

People need to start responding to ice in kind

24.01.2026 17:42 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

If I got a text at 5:24 that says “a group of monks is headed to your house” I’d get my go bag and leave town before asking any clarifying questions

24.01.2026 17:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Large black bear with emoji hands 👉👈

After i send a problematic DM

23.01.2026 00:00 — 👍 183 🔁 22 💬 3 📌 0

Weather map captioned "Tracking the Polar Vortex" which just so happens to look like some big naturals, if you know what I mean. It even has low pressure icons for nipples!

DAD (pounding on the bathroom door): You better not be doing meteorology in there!

23.01.2026 00:46 — 👍 106 🔁 21 💬 5 📌 0

Guy on a ledge

Thinking about posting hog just to feel something

20.01.2026 18:50 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

This ghoul gotta go.

08.01.2026 17:36 — 👍 45 🔁 15 💬 1 📌 0

Welcome welcome!

08.01.2026 20:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

kid with aggressive look on his face sweating and eyes going solid white

me after one sip of macdonalds sprite

28.12.2025 20:45 — 👍 41 🔁 5 💬 0 📌 0

I should try that

22.12.2025 16:08 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Eat a pound of asparagus before bed to give yourself a fun surprise when you get up to pee in the middle of the night

21.12.2025 22:59 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

a man in a suit and tie is sitting on a couch with a dog in front of him . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting on a couch with a dog in front of him .

21.12.2025 22:34 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

I have decided to part ways with my band that does death metal covers of Anne Murray songs. I wish Shadows in the Moonlight all the best in their future endeavors

17.12.2025 18:39 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

i'm great at distracting people from obsessing about their problems by giving them new obscure things to worry about instead, and if you don't like that idea I also offer doing exactly that but 10x faster

17.12.2025 14:36 — 👍 280 🔁 95 💬 4 📌 0