mave

The windy moors are BACK, BÉBÉ

Your pores are barely detected.

underrated compliment:

How dare they presume to know what would dazzle a penguin.

In ancient Greece, it was considered bad luck to be attacked by a shark on Friday the 13th

I’ve been walking around under a ladder for days!

if friday the 13th fell on the 14th this month, it would make for a very scary valentine’s day

Don't make me do it (press the button that says restore 68 tabs)

I'll go check out the Moon if no one else wants to.

It is always darkest before I remember that I have babybel cheese in the fridge

fellow bird appreciators: do you have any experience with heated bird baths? my partner surprised me with one for xmas, we installed it about 3 weeks ago and as far as we can tell, no takers. should we stick it out longer before trying a new location?

sometimes, if you’re up early enough, you can hear them turn the birds on

That’s literally him

I still tune in the Frisbee Golf song in times of trouble!

Of course I studied the classics

It’s time to enter my final and greatest era: telling people to keep their shirt on

I saw a job posting for plant maintenance and I was like aww🌱 that would be fun, but it was for something else entirely.

when does the zamboni come out onto the field

If this Super Bowl party isn’t great, my plan is to be evacuated by helicopter, Lindsey Vonn-style

So true! The Onion doesn’t miss 🔮

If you ever see a cat in public it is your civic duty to assist that cat with whatever matters it is currently engaged in, regardless of legality or personal financial cost

the click that fountain coke machines make when you press them is a great click. probably one of the best clicks

Happy 1st of second January to all who celebrate

It is seeming that way

Tickets are nonrefundable and nontransferable. Something to consider before booking a seat on the doomsday glacier

to the icicle that just dripped down the back of my neck: how dare you, sir?

I'm in a trance AND I'm in a transom. I'm in 2 things. Please help me.

At the gym. This is the first day I cannot park in physical therapy parking, which means it's up to a rag-tag group of elves, hobbits and dwarves to get me to the actual building.

I don't start enough sentences with the word "saaaaay."

🎶gilly up, jingle-fish,
pick up ur fins🎶

Singing "she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah" but like real sarcastically