Captain Yesterday

Everybody should be taught about Thompson, Colburn and Andreotta. Everyone likes to think that they’d do the same thing that day, but all we know for sure is that that day, those guys did.

Broken clock, twice a day etc.

Zach Braff looks like shit.

Me watching Pluribus just now: An A330 doesn’t have a 3-3-3 layout! I’m beginning to think this show isn’t totally realistic… 🤔

Haha, I was right about the lyric but wrong about the song it’s in.

Carrot Rope?

Scene from The Simpsons. Homer behind the wheel of the car, Bart in the passenger seat with an ice cream sundae on his head and a soccer ball in his arms. Caption: I mean we can sit here and try to figure out who forgot to pick up who till the cows come home, but let’s just say we’re both wrong…

And there are none for sale. They don’t have them because the new P&W engines have serious reliability problems and there aren’t nearly enough for all the planes that need them. It’s a real problem throughout the industry!

We called Doug Mientkiewicz that when he played for the Red Sox. Didn’t know it went back further. 😂

Just got home tonight and we really went from limping-into-fall to deep-in-the-shit in the two weeks I was gone. I’m a little shook.

It can be theoretically be done under a set of parameters that essentially make it an extremely boring job with shitty hours.

Is that the guy the yuppie douchebag with the watch in Quick Change?!

Hell, there are shops that do that type of work for free. Customers are more commonly coming out of prison than running for senate but…

Still from The Paper. Michael Keaton walking past the front desk of a police precinct. Caption: A clipboard and a confident wave will get you into any building in the world.

Is he no longer living with 20 cats?

AIO: My shithead nephew stole my Rolex…

“King Salmon”

I waited tables that summer at an Applebee’s next to a movie theater, and for some reason the people seeing Swordfish after dinner really wanted me to know that. To the degree that it’s the only movie I can definitively say came out summer 2001. I’ve spent 24 years not knowing what to make of that.

Women’s body wash: notes of pistachio, jasmine, salted caramel.

Men’s body wash: aromas of burnt pork shoulder and tactical sandalwood strong enough to violate your court ordered visitation schedule.

Our Sunday evening middle aged jam learned to play it last year and discovered how delightfully weird it is under the hood, in the best possible way.

Deploying the most Chicago looking guys possible.

You haven’t really lived until you’ve gotten to second base with a married woman on the grassy knoll.

Simpsons screenshot. Groundskeeper Willie gripping the sides of his head as he shouts Caption: “hey, what the…? (Gasping) My retirement grease! No!”

Footage released of the events leading to the Mark Sanchez stabbing.

It’s just a soundcheck recording they had mixed to go on a fan club Christmas single, and later gave to a Kosovo benefit album. Totally random that it blew up.

This is the buttfumble of getting stabbed.

I typically bring a videographer when I need to drop anchor out in public.

My micophobia is occasionally inconvenient, but it’s never made me bleed out of a single orifice.

I don’t think we need controls for rightsholder’s characters any more granular than “fuck off until you license them.”

Once you go wall-mounted you’ll never go back. My dad converted a dozen family members giving them as, what seemed at the time, eccentric wedding gifts.

Experts say Jonathan Safran Foer could leave his family over a misunderstanding with one of these things by 2027.