My favorite thing to do when it's cold outside . . . is not to go outside

Ask your doctor if socializing and human interaction is right for you.

I wish these hands would still reach out to me.

Our story began with a spark. Slowly it grew and now hot flames burn with desire, our bodies and our souls.

People really hate when your posts aren't about their specific agenda.

dear future self,

I see U
inhale a moon rise
sigh into a sunset
path of your intentions
so bitter, so sweet
yet U trudge along,
riptide of blind corners
force U to dive deep
yet U are not afraid to drown,
rooting for U
in the story of you
always, my hero

love,
your younger self

gonna deep clean my 13 year old’s room Monday, if anyone wants to come help and make a couple $$ hit me up
and I have all the hazmat gear just bring yourself

you say scars, I say stories

We all are a nightmare for someone.

I remember about 20 years ago, talking on the phone with my best friend for hours about nothing. That sounds like a for real nightmare now

I accomplished a lot today and somehow there is still more to do. 

Our story began with a spark. Slowly it grew and now hot flames burn with desire, our bodies and our souls.

My superpower is knowing the difference between ‘vulva’ and ‘vagina.’

If I were a book I’d be the Lift-the-Flap kind.

My horoscope said that my voice has the potential to create  positive change in the world.. so be nice fuckers. We’re all living in this hell hole.

*ATTENTION*

I am not one for announcements.

Fuck radioactive spiders, I want a radioactive Chris Hemsworth to bite me.

When the speed limit is 65-70
I like to keep a steady 69.

Only I could choke on a burp.

My To-Do List reads like a circus roster:

- brush dogs
- clean Crocs
- rub down charley horses
- kitty grooming

You strike me as someone who REALLY enjoys Dollar General.

Headed to work out. When I get back I'm tossing a scoop of that pure whey powder on your ass.

I'm the man of your dreams. But, like, the weird ones.

Remember when pregnant women had to kill rabbits! That was wild

In the mood to chortle

might fuck around and start a follow train, might stick my junk in your fish aquarium idk yet