Miniature urinal on the shop counter with a sign that reads, "take a piss, leave a piss"

Acoustic Hitachi Magic Wand

It's employee appreciation day at work today. All I can think about is taking this pizza slice and nailing it to my bosses door like Martin Luther

Hear me out, Big Booty Asstronomy

Anyone else have an intense urge to call anyone named Gordon 'Commissioner'?

Rotating Sandwiches that's it

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom rotatingsandwiches.com

In Star Trek they beam out the poops

What about disagree to disagree?

I get no thanks or recognition for Not Being Worse. I could be worse and yet I choose not to be. But if this continues perhaps I'll be forced to reconsider...

Crazy that people used to look like this

a realistic cookbook where every recipe starts with "step 1: clean up your kitchen"

It's got to be tied between 'Beachhead' and 'Back Blast'

Call me Space Jam the way I hoop that dookie

Are your pockets empty or are you just really unhappy to see me

Not me though I didn't

For all my new followers here's a serious one: do you ever just shit so hard

Little red riding hood, gorey, blood

Your gifts are monstrous

Two eyes staring at each other

Two orbs and a flesh body

Anxiety

million dollar idea: mom tarts

[on Family Feud]

Me: fuck u grandpa I hate u

Steve Harvey: umm that's not really how it works

Getting it twisted-but it’s the blankets on my bed.

It's not my fault you're all asleep in the middle of the night

You have so many things to watch what did you do this

The culture war is so stupid just leave milk be

You ever feel like a wet bag of barbecue hammers?

A pain we know all too well is how you’ll spend 10 minutes on a post getting it perfect and it’ll bomb and then you’ll post “spaghetti has to be one of the five great dinners” and get 10,000 likes