Jacktion!

An Unconventional Birthday That was some extremely clever wordplay, but you won't get why just yet.

Birthdays are fun. Usually.

Band Names Do you need a name for your band? Here, take on of these.

I come up with a lot of band names.

An Innocent Cat On An Innocent Lap Kids are mean and dumb. Except for you. You were cool.

If you’re interested in reading about my life, this probably isn’t the post to start with.

No Sleep 'til... This story isn't about Brooklyn, but it is about Williamsburg.

Alone on Valentine’s Day? Read my story about road trips, horse dung, and giant candy.

Testing, Testing, 1 2 3 Obviously, sports were not my strong point.

I’m better at math than you, but you’re probably better at everything else.

I’m sorry you can’t get your eyedrops that were prescribed by a medical professional who knows a lot more about your health and medical needs than some rando at an insurance company.

The Sporting Life I played sports. I didn't do it very well.

It’s finally time to tell you about my life as an athletic icon.

I’m on Medicaid. My $0 copay Prevacid prescription that prevents me from aspirating acid into my lungs and getting pneumonia cost $1200 this month. So I’m really looking forward to my sixth bout of pneumonia in two years. What a time to be alive!

A Call to Action *Ralph Wiggum voice* "I'm in danger."

Bad news: Donald Trump didn’t die today.

Maybe reading this will be a consolation.

Fuck ICE, fuck ice, and fuck Punxsutawney Phil.

I mean, he’s not going to be alive in July, but okay.

Hamburger Holiday Meat, bun, and ketchup. That spells vacation

Travel the world and sample exotic cuisine.

New Kids on the Block Step 1: We can have lots of fun

Fans of NKOTB, this is not the post for you.

Pet Sounds My early history with animals

The perfect way to a break from shoveling. Make some hot cocoa, put your feet up, and read my stories.

A New Pain When a dull ache turns exciting!

Bringing you another story to keep you warm while you’re snowed/iced in.

A Play Date With Destiny No, wait. His name was Phil, not Destiny,

Trapped inside by winter storms? Read about the one time I wasn’t the weird kid. You’ll be glad you did.

The Boy and the Black Leopard Cats like me. Well, most of them.

I promise you, this is something you need to read. It is one of the most humiliating things that ever happened to me. It took me a few years to see the humor in it.

What about two feet of snow?

The Bionic Claw The brief life of my left thumb

I’ve got a messed up thumb. This is how it happened.

Please don’t get me wrong, I support the trans community and am thrilled that the Trump
Administration won’t be able to implement these measures.

But maybe can Democrats start working on getting big wins for all Americans soon?

JPS A life-changing trip to Astoria

I’ve always been good with directions.

Sing, Sing, Sing My last post got my most views so far, much to my embarrassment.

Encourage your kids to sing and perform.

Unless they’re really bad at it.

TSA agents are shooting their shot now that they’re not the most unpopular government agency.

Baby's First Concussion I was born in 1976.

Read all about the beginning of my long history of head trauma.

An Introduction Myotonic dystrophy (DM) is a rare form of muscular dystrophy that runs in my family.

Do you read good? Because I write good.

That murderous ICE agent has been released from the hospital, which means he spent more time in the hospital this week with a non-injury than I did with pneumonia.

This is really hard for me to say, but…

Ed edited it.

Trump nearly destroyed the country in 1st term, & Dems found a way to screw up what should have been a slam dunk election against him in 2024.

The Democratic return 2 power isn’t inevitable. We always get in our own way, whether it’s poor messaging or voters sitting out when their guy isn’t the nom

Pneu Year, Pneumonia Hey look, only three posts into my new blog and I’ve already broken the timeline.

The latest post from my brand new substack. Subscriptions are free.

After his promotional deal with Burger King expired, Herb signed with KFC to become one of their seven Herbs and spices.
#JokesICameUpWithFortyYearsTooLate