Jon Sung

Okay this rules

continue to think that if instead of "raw milk" we called it "doodoo milk" people would understand the risk proposition

Since the second kid I think I only shower every 3 days or so and therefore I demand a minimum of $400k/week according to this new math

You just gotta jingle the keys again, make the trophy bigger or shinier, maybe bring in a hot babe to present it to him wait why am I giving this knowledge away for FREE

Large corporations I am available to hire as your new Trump Ingratiation Officer, please form an orderly line

Did anyone tell Amazon that if they wanted to "curry favor" with Trump, instead of blowing millions upon millions on this piece of shit Melania doc, they could've just spent like a couple grand on a fake award for Bezos to hand him in front of a camera

"We'll make a rule that ICE isn't allowed to kidnap and disappear citizens, a rule that they'll definitely follow because they sure haven't been breaking any other rules with total impunity on camera that we can see"

I CANNOT with these useless fucking fucks, who's running against them already!!!!

Is this agentic AI

Death Whistle

If the ICE pricks somehow habituate to the nice whistles everyone's using now, I advocate switching to the AZTEC DEATH WHISTLE en masse and seeing if we can inflict true lasting damage (link to sound samples at the bottom)

www.news.uzh.ch/en/articles/...

Anytime I have to see Jeffries or Schumer's stupid useless faces or read some idiotic centrist bullshit they said I need an immediate followup post that says who's primarying them and where to donate, is there already a bot for that or something

(Screenshot of a text conversation; I'm eliding the irrelevant bits because I can) Friend: I'm just here for THE HAUNTED DOG WHAT THE HELL Me: [an emoji kitchen mashup of the pumpkin + dog emoji, which results in a dog with a pumpkin for a head] Friend: Perfect sticker Does ghost and dog do anything Me: It turns into Forrest Whitaker

Going through my important files for something and stumbled across this permanent record of the best joke I will ever make thanks to Android emoji kitchen

Google says Disney+ has it but I don't fully trust; I'll check after the kids go to school!

This restored 5HP immediately

Just think: if we didn't have to deal with the resurgence of fascism we could've celebrated 2026 as the year we finally penetrated the Borrowers' memetic camouflage

I'm not even "largely" a pacifist in my heart of hearts if we're gonna be real honest about ourselves here

On the one hand I admire the Trader Joe's garlic spread/dip for its lack of artificial preservatives, but on the other it must be examined with uncommon diligence for the slightest sign of betrayal every time I pop the lid whenever I want to just eat some damn baby carrots

Food in my house doesn't "become moldy so I had to throw it in the compost," it is instead "censured for disloyalty and cast out"

This is the year I give trilobites racing stripes because nobody can prove they didn't have 'em

A headline to an article somehow written in 2026 that reads "The theory that explains Trump's foreign policy" as if we fucking needed an explainer for it at this godforsaken low point in American history beyond "He's a vicious fucking asshole with a decaying brain and the attention span of a housefly that's been struck by lightning"

How is it 2026 and we're still fucking doing this, you absolute fucking clowns

Couldn't they have just named the company Annatar to at least fucking TRY to disguise it a little, jesus CHRIST

Liko has to let this guy go now, right? She has to; that's not a kittycat anymore, this is just a grown-ass little man and he surely has other things he needs to do (maybe the next episode will be about how Floragato goes looking for a job to pay for his studio apartment that he definitely has)

Except now Sprigatito has evolved into Floragato, and look: that's not an animal anymore, that's a guy. That's just a fully bipedal green cat guy wandering around with these kids now; he may not have car keys on his person but he's definitely got a wallet somewhere in that fur

The kids in this show have been wandering around with animals too! One of them is Sprigatito, which is literally just a green kittycat, absolutely 100% an animal, okay

My kids have been watching Pokemon Horizons for a while and it's fine -- pretty good, even, probably! (I don't pay 100% attention) -- but look: I'm used to watching kids wander around this world with pokemon that are basically just animals. Right? A big yellow mouse, a duck: animals

"The #1 movie when you were 10 years old is how your 2026 is going to go…"

This is either going to be spectacular or disastrous depending on whether I'm Bruce or Thomas Wayne in this scenario now that I'm a dad and all

There's a whole subgenre of illustrations from medieval manuscripts that feature heavily-armed bunnies just going buckwild, I think because then (as now) the concept of a usually harmless animal with a melee weapon is hilarious. I thought it was time to start making some, and it turns out they're even better in 3D form; this one is wielding a war hammer and a circular purple shield

There's a whole subgenre of illustrations from medieval manuscripts that feature heavily-armed bunnies just going buckwild, I think because then (as now) the concept of a usually harmless animal with a melee weapon is hilarious. I thought it was time to start making some, and it turns out they're even better in 3D form; at the suggestion of my 8-year-old I've begun furnishing some of them with magical weaponry, in this case a sword made of blue energy and a conventional round black shield

This is just a perfectly normal mushroom, a fine example of the classic Amanita muscaria featuring a red cap and white dots that do not in any way bear resemblance to an assemblage of unblinking light blue eyeballs

I lost my taste for posting to my personal Insta forever ago, but I still want to share my weird little guys, so catch me at this new account!!

www.instagram.com/forecastfossil

My new crew of college buddies and I saw EVENT HORIZON sitting in the third row; that night my roommate and I slept with the light on

Contemplating the purchase of a small stiff-bristled paintbrush for the express purpose of removing salt from the surfaces of cookies I want to eat, who's with me on this

Had the club still been a going concern by then, probably!!

I used to run a Star Trek club and tried to issue a "no show tunes" order for our first big karaoke party which was intensely opposed; I relented, but in my heart of hearts I know I was right and history has done nothing but vindicate me ever since