amazon piss cup

hesitated posting this out of fear of offending anyone, P. included, but then I remembered the single was recorded at Poop Alley Studios, so

starting and ending my pisskink playlist with Friends of P. by The Rentals

getting ready for gay halloween™️ so I had to do a test run to make sure my hair will actually stay slicked back

you think this is slicked back? this is pushed back.

sharing beer with my dog again (letting her lick condensation off the bottom of the can so she feels included)

I wish I could see who has my playlists saved on Spotify so I could give them un pequeño beso en la frente

10/10, will do it again soon

Bad Moves

imagine hating me and I'm over here practicing Portuguese and listening to Sade

friday 5x5: horse meat edition

me 3 😭

a Pepper Ann reboot for libertarians called Prepper Ayn Rand

It takes 30 days to grow a radish. Also 2/3 of the country is already in or entering winter.

friday 5x5: a day late and a buck short edition

Donald Trump featured on Time Magazine concealing his succulent neckussy underneath the new Skims Merkin Thong in the shade Sienna Ginger

furious bc my sources tell me he bought the entire stock of this shade? the one I was going to buy? what are the fn odds.

friday 5x5

If you see this post a random photo (or meme) from your photo gallery without explaining it

friday 5x5

learning Portuguese has been a blast so far and it only makes me more of a crybaby about how phenomenal Alguns Vazios is. thank you for gutless 🖤 I can't wait to see what you do next.

"Alguns Vazios..." by gutless @xvixvianax.bsky.social is such a god damn good e.p. that it's got me learning portuguese. understanding the english version isn't enough. the way she matches the cadence between both languages so beautifully is a multilingual masterpiece. I could talk about it all day.

how old am i? well let's just say earlier today some bluejays were screaming bc a red tailed hawk was terrorizing them so I used my bird app (merlin, not the nazi platform) to play a coopers hawk sound and it flew away confused

who up googlin why nathan fielder one titty is so succulent

friday 5x5

Lucy Dacus invited Zohran Mamdani out at her All Things Go NYC set!

yes! I'm waiting for my moment.

my partner hates how much mosquitoes love them and seem to ignore me. I hate how when they walk away from me mosquitoes start attacking me. get back over here you sexy little mosquito distractor 😤

next up I hope Alex Jones starts bangin dudes to prove to us being gay really is a choice. that'll really show us.

Alex Jones sure pwned us all by *checks notes* turning himself into Mr. Potato Head Führer edition?

keep seeing anti abortion billboards popping up and the babies are all busted. a bunch of Bart Harley Jarvises if you will.