ANT

After going so long without a PR card, now that I got help and finally submitted that application — poof! Sudden anxiety about the permanent not being so permanent and getting sent back down to... all that. Fuckin' trauma brain shit.

Sometimes I'm not very smart. Turns out listening to an album of music you recorded in one of the most emotionally tumultuous eras of your life outside of your small years when you're already dysregulated is a bad idea. Huh. Whodathunkit.

Having a bug bite over the exact little patch you routinely get annoying neuropathic itches is fucking annoying. One I can't scratch and shouldn't because it's making the skin dark and doesn't do shit all. One that I can scratch, shouldn't, BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD.

Your bday message from your mom (I presume): HBD, ILY.
Mine: message covering topics like how she should off herself because no one loves her, how rotten I am, how amazing I am, retellings of family lore (CSA, violence, suicide) and I think an attempt at pulling me into family drama. Lol.

Last time I got it done at the hospital lab - after I'd done my normal little preamble and then had my blood taken, the phlebotomist told me I apparently have a great median cephalic vein. 🤣

Ha, that's my routine! Often doesn't matter at the chain of labs that's easily accessed here.

When I can wait >30 days for an appointment or ADHD let's me sit a 2+ hour walk-in wait, the hospital outpatient lab has always been super easy and comfortable.

Praise be to all good phlebotomists who don't roll my veins.

... Derp. You're right. Okay, this change is less fun 🤣

99% sure this is Laurelthirst

Magic card: Imposter Mech {1}{U} Artifact — Vehicle You may have this Vehicle enter as a copy of a creature an opponent controls, except it’s a Vehicle artifact with crew 3 and it loses all other card types. Crew 3 The best way to fight evil is with its own weapons. 3/1

Magic card Mindlink Mech {2}{U} Artifact — Vehicle Flying Whenever this Vehicle becomes crewed for the first time each turn, until end of turn, this Vehicle becomes a copy of target nonlegendary creature that crewed it this turn, except it’s 4/3, it’s a Vehicle artifact in addition to its other types, and it has flying. Crew 1 4/3

Magic card Necron Monolith {7} Artifact — Vehicle Flying, indestructible Eternity Gate — Whenever this Vehicle attacks, mill three cards. For each creature card milled this way, create a 2/2 black Necron Warrior artifact creature token. Crew 4 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 4 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.) 7/7

Ones I am seriously considering: Imposter Mech, Mindlink Mech, and Necron Monolith. Reaver Titan, Thunderhawk Gunship, Aerial Surveyor, Gilded Assault Cart, and Ghost Ark are all probably cards I will also try and build around eventually. I like that this change might get me playing blue more.

I'm in the midst of starting at the beginning and up into third doc now and I am so here for this one right now as a result.

Although it makes me sad too because I just remembered how meh Ace's card was.

The siloing of "idpol" from "real class struggle" is an enactment of racism, misogyny and queerphobia by white dudes who believe their oppression by capital is real and our oppression by them is either fake or an unimportant epiphenomenon.

“We now suffer the moral distress of being medical experts in this field who are essentially forced to be handmaidens to a government policy that will cause more death.”

The self destructive urge to listen to music you know only makes you feel worse on those hard anniversaries - because sometimes what the hell else is there to do.

Oh, wow - thank you. I really appreciate your book. A younger me alienated myself from a lot of folks once because I couldn't get past bad feelings over certain things/people. Your book was the best single piece of validation to that decision I've had nearly two decades later.

"I think the Sixties...is a barrier to young people today. They think...what we're doing is not that. But...it always felt embattled and small...a small group of people relative to the opposition." — edited for length, Bernadine Dohrn quote that feels so damn relevant versus some convos I have.

Someday when I'm hopefully not broke as fuck again, this one is 100% getting added to my physical collection. I find myself going back to bits I wrote down or took photos of surprisingly often and the reference section was legit.

I can't recommend this book more. It's relevant, well researched, and is a genuine page turner - surprisingly easy to read.

This goes x10 if you came up through the North American noise/industrial/weird music/edgy dark shit world too.

If you can't afford it, request it at your library like I did!

My first CD was a debate between Tubthumper & ...Baby One More Time. I chose the Chumbawamba because it was $2 cheaper.

I joke this was when I set myself on the anarchist in black workwear path over the pink, glitter and eyeliner I flirted with a lot more when I was young and - there's truth there.

Wasn't even thinking of him at first, but fucking of course he would be *that* fucker.

I really, really hate that we're getting all the shitty parts of cliche cyberpunk and very little of the opposite. I also fucking hate how confident I am that some of the fuckers bringing this on probably call themselves big fans of [choose any well known classic of the genre].

I immediately thought it could be the old clench them together to try and hide the shake routine. A true classic of the elder alcoholics of my youth.

Dude's vacuous attempt to step back that comment is legitimately hilarious and pathetic too.

"Violence" in Social Movements • 111 They Will Call You Violent If your tactics disrupt the order of things under capitalism, you may well be accused of violence, because "violence" is an elastic term often deployed to vilify people who threaten the status quo. Conditions that the state characterizes as "peaceful" are, in reality, quite violent. Even as people experience the violence of poverty, the torture of im-prisonment, the brutality of policing, the denial of health care, and many other violent functions of this system, we are told we are experiencing peace, so long as everyone is cooperating. When state actors refer to "peace," they are really talking about order. And when they refer to "peaceful protest," they are talking about cooperative protest that obediently stays within the lines drawn by the state. The more uncooperative you are, the more you will be accused of aggression and violence. It is therefore imperative that the state not be the arbiter of what violence means among people seeking justice.

for no reason, an excerpt from "let this radicalize you"…

No worries! Solid thread idea.

As a yank by birth, I think it's vital folks get that it isn't a huge abberation. Today owes itself back to GWB, Reagan, Nixon, etc., sure, but also goes back to its founding & failures in reconstruction - and that's before even touching capitalism and it's influence.

I can't say I'm surprised - my head goes back to the old Gallup poll after Kent State. From memory, 58% of respondents blamed the students and 31% expressed no opinion.

the issue is not just ICE.

we can live free and safe. or we can have police like we have right now.

we cannot do both

That ongoing chasm of terror that exists between doing your genuine best to be open, honest, and transparent... and finding yourself treated like a you've already been labeled noncompliant.

Or, a thing I wish didn't exist in my brain or in reality but which I can't seem to do anything about either.

The friend I live with has another of his ADHD stereotype friends over and is helping him unravel all his accounts as he'd managed to get locked out of most of them.

It's so cute and lovely and I'm so lucky to have him as a friend.

Whenever I'm needing to purchase new footwear of any sort, I go through a period where I'm only slightly joking about how I kinda think cutting my toes off to make shit smaller might actually be a smart financial decision in spite of obvious drawbacks. I really need new socks too goddamnit.