There wouldn’t have been a Badly Drawn Boy if his dad had used a rubber.

In my 40 odd years of being left leaning and politically aware, the one constant is that the left far prefers to argue with itself than the right. So good luck with that…

I had an inspiring English teacher (if you’re reading this, Miss Bailey, thanks), who inspired a love of Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet. But from talking to others, it really sounds like she was a real outlier. Sure, teach it in school. But teach it well!

This is what social media is for. Not arguing with strangers. Just random pictures of post boxes. This made me unaccountably happy

There is an upper wallop.
My inner 8 year old hopes there is a bottom wallop.

Well… considering the fact that I’ve done a course annually on how not to be an arse at work since about 2005, I reckon the daily mail will be discovering takeaway coffee, Google and prosecco in the next few years

Missed the “” round Christians

I’m not sure if the pronunciation is meant to be crorse or applesoss

Do you know what's more embarrassing than having 'Another One Bites the Dust' as a ringtone? Not putting your phone on silent at a funeral.

What's really sad is with all the rumours the first black queer Doctor was leaving, Laurence Fox thought he could finally start watching again. #DoctorWho

As a former employee of Hewlett Packard, I really do think the yacht needs to be salvaged. I can think of an awful lot of things that could be done with those ill-gotten gains…

I think rather than hosepipes, put strings on there to make Him into a huge marionette, being operated by an even bigger Christ the Redeemer.
Ok, it’s technically challenging, but it would be fun.

I’d love to know the criteria used in this graph. I mean, how does solar power kill people? And what is the geographical sample area and time after exposure criteria? I’m intrigued by how solar and wind kill people, too

I think the bad press around Chernobyl and Fukushima might require a bit more than rebranding

Versatile, comforting, warming on a cold night,and at home in both a Michelin starred restaurant and a chip shop? I’d take that ;)

I once had the idea of a fake celebrity magazine that was obsessed by the whereabouts of Marti Pellow and would tweet random sightings of the Wet Wet Wet singer, I had fears of the legality of it, and chickened out. But seeing some of the content on that hellsite, I was probably over cautious.

You need to make this public, Rob!

BANGING two pistachio nut- shells together aives the impression that a very small horse is approaching. Nigel Austin, email

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz345bs

A first class stamp is still a bargain. The Post Office should change their marketing slogan to "If you think £1.70 is expensive, then take it yourself"

He’s also got a girlfriend, but you don’t know her, she goes to another school.

If I say “ob god, what the fuck has he said now?”, you all know who I’m talking about, right?

Even the briefest of risk assessments will put a stop to that. “Let’s give a bunch of hormonal teenagers containing a couple of borderline psychopaths and a scattering of petty criminals access to weapons whilst they’re bored. What could possibly go wrong?”

A meme photo of an Adelie penguin holding an AK-47.

Most birds have a fight or flight response.

He forgot we’re flightless birds.

An electrical cabinet or broadband thing or whatever, with graffiti written on it in black marker pen. The graffiti says (sic): πommy Robinson Shagged My Hampster.

That's a good graffito

After further consideration (& your suggestions), here's a starter list for running any country properly:

PM: Paddington
Chancellor: The Count from Sesame Street
Transport Secretary: Ivor the Engine
Foreign Secretaries: The Clangers
Home Sec: Moominpapa
Head of MI5: Danger Mouse
DCMS: Kermit
[1/2]

I quite like hearing people singing whilst they’re trying to pass an impacted stool, so I quite like the Bob Dylan version.

Oh la la la la, sacré bleu etc.

This Life was brilliant but it has a lot to answer for, it’s the point when handheld cameras really took off.

It’s The Count, you know. That accent. Trotsky didn’t get the icepick to the head in Mexico City. Oh no. False News
He’s teaching kids to count and subliminally pushing the redistribution of wealth and global revolution. Bigly teaching them. I’m the best at counting. Better than Joe Biden.