@celarsson.bsky.social
writer
I went and fucked myself, now what?
12.02.2025 22:56 — 👍 44 🔁 15 💬 10 📌 0Just finished shoveling snow and now I feel like an unevenly microwaved hot pocket.
13.02.2025 01:16 — 👍 555 🔁 128 💬 19 📌 0Me and my gf stare at the drink list for 20 minutes, then order 5oz of Riesling and the house lager
11.02.2025 19:45 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Never tying my shoes in public again. Embarrassing.
11.02.2025 18:27 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Not a conspiracy theorist, I just simply don’t believe you
11.02.2025 16:29 — 👍 77 🔁 20 💬 2 📌 1Therapist: why are you so nervous?
Me: yes
then NASA was all "clearest ever pics of uranus kinda gross actually"
11.02.2025 17:39 — 👍 127 🔁 36 💬 3 📌 0Finding places to sit down is my specialty.
10.02.2025 12:48 — 👍 221 🔁 64 💬 10 📌 3only saying "what?" from now on and that's rhetorical
10.02.2025 13:05 — 👍 466 🔁 146 💬 24 📌 5
Wowzers in my trousers
08.02.2025 22:31 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Teacher: How are you?
Kid: Is it ok to say I'm doing good?
Teacher: Yes, I know you mean well
Don't mind me I'm just here to make things awkward
08.02.2025 21:33 — 👍 109 🔁 44 💬 10 📌 0mimosas for breakfast and then it’s show time
08.02.2025 15:00 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0if you think that I sound bitter it’s actually because I am
07.02.2025 18:12 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Oh you’re a ”foodie”! What else do you like? Water? Maybe oxygen? Idiot.
07.02.2025 15:00 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Could be worse tbh
06.02.2025 19:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0feeling as fresh as a 17th century pirate with scurvy waking up after a 3 week rum bender
06.02.2025 18:01 — 👍 6 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0you were cringy as a teen? sorry can’t relate, I was just as cool back then
05.02.2025 19:02 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0eating cauliflower pancakes is part of some masochist kink right?
05.02.2025 16:01 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
me when I rearrange the pepperonis on my frozen pizza before putting it in the oven
05.02.2025 15:00 — 👍 8 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Just dropped my car off at the garage and managed to drop the word carburettor into conversation with the mechanic so he knows to take me seriously and he told me my car doesn’t have a carburettor
05.02.2025 08:32 — 👍 1098 🔁 54 💬 79 📌 5If I have to "power through" something, then it's clearly not for me.
05.02.2025 12:59 — 👍 265 🔁 72 💬 7 📌 1“when life gives you lemons” when has that ever happened? what the fuck are you talking about
05.02.2025 04:01 — 👍 574 🔁 74 💬 32 📌 6Makes me happy to hear
05.02.2025 09:15 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Am I perfect? No
But do I always do my best and keep a positive attitude? No
No I didn't miss your call, I saw the phone ring
04.02.2025 15:00 — 👍 9 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0[Fun idea for game night]
First person to mention sourdough bread gets shot in the face
