fantasy dad

if i see somebody drop something in public like their car keys or they spill their purse i act like i’m helping them but i start shoving their shit into my pockets. they’re usually too shocked to say anything. i have 17 cars now.

been reading the jakarta method to my 3 year old son

beating a motherfucker to death with a bop it

if your dick gets cut off somehow do you start blowing cum out of your nose like a backup system

i hope your crew beat the shit out of you

donald trump opening the ark of the covenant at a press conference and it kills everybody in the room but him

It would be cool if we could retract our own dick and balls into our body at will like a transformer

gay guys taking over a CERN particle accelerator and firing it at cum and the whole world becomes gay

diseased parakeets ripping you to shreds

yeah friskies kicks ass

might as well feed you cat food

what are you doing with your life

taking a fucking hammer to the GEICO gecko

can i have one

Starting a hair metal band called Power Bottom

maybe buffalo wild wings if he agrees to split the bill

ayatollah khamenei can chill at my place until the heat dies down. i got xbox and we can order some little caesars

yeah but showing yeltsin the tallboy selection at a 7-11 would have brought him to his knees

having sex to the song from the wingstop commercial

exclusivity is the height of art

Watch Duty - Wildfire Maps & Alerts Watch Duty, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, alerts you of nearby wildfires and firefighting efforts in real-time.

watchduty.org app should help. stay safe brother

im scrolling your feed dude there’s not a lot to like here

when santa confronts me about the shit i took in the fireplace

good

at least when i block them it’ll blur out the stupid fucking pfp

its too fucking hot outside cancel it

New Balls Please