@futurekid.bsky.social
My timeline is like jazz: it's the jokes that AREN'T funny squeets https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7eikirzgvpma4zfkwvydka5k/feed/aaaftw77uvttc
The Mid Gatsby
29.04.2025 23:06 — 👍 84 🔁 9 💬 1 📌 2Sometimes I'm hoping more for the opportunity to say "I told you so" than for the thing I told them about to not happen
30.03.2025 14:48 — 👍 17 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 0America's like if a half smoked cigarette wished it was a country
29.03.2025 19:03 — 👍 839 🔁 109 💬 24 📌 5Guacamole is just a goth shamrock shake.
29.03.2025 20:04 — 👍 122 🔁 42 💬 6 📌 0Impression: ayy I'm fuckin Matt Damon and I'm on another planet eating shit potatoes
29.03.2025 20:50 — 👍 58 🔁 13 💬 4 📌 1rapunzel is the sisyphus of shampooing
29.03.2025 22:17 — 👍 84 🔁 24 💬 2 📌 0Sometimes one air pod battery is at 87% and the other at 83% because I'm listening harder on one side
29.03.2025 22:40 — 👍 281 🔁 40 💬 15 📌 0Peter Peter war plan tweeter,
Fugly sex pest drunken creeper.
I hope he goes to Christian hell,
And has to bunk with Kash Patel.
Wuts wrong babe you’ve barely bent it like Beckham babe
19.03.2025 06:40 — 👍 37 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 0605 to South Street
Doritos Auto Square
emotionally unstable senior citizen Barbie
(the movie!)
Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem
19.03.2025 23:00 — 👍 78 🔁 39 💬 0 📌 0in my corn dog era
19.03.2025 23:16 — 👍 53 🔁 14 💬 4 📌 0one of those GAP sweaters but it says CPAP
19.03.2025 23:29 — 👍 89 🔁 16 💬 4 📌 1SamSedersFaceWhenHeRealizesThePersonHesTalkingToDoesntUnderstandThatGovernmentAgenciesDontPayTaxes.gif
10.03.2025 19:17 — 👍 16 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0imagine being a hamster and also being called a hamster
like what if you didn’t even like ham
Bruce Springsteen and the E Skeet Band
09.03.2025 17:04 — 👍 5 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 1Fishmonger? I hardly fishknow her
09.03.2025 17:01 — 👍 37 🔁 13 💬 2 📌 0ASKEET/DSKEET
09.03.2025 04:55 — 👍 30 🔁 9 💬 3 📌 8𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺
09.03.2025 05:55 — 👍 184 🔁 46 💬 11 📌 1exert your dominance over insomnia by spinning round and round like a giddy child until vertigo takes hold and your brain must fold
09.03.2025 06:21 — 👍 65 🔁 23 💬 4 📌 0People who ask me for something “at your soonest convenience” have no idea how perpetually inconvenienced I am.
09.03.2025 10:35 — 👍 274 🔁 86 💬 6 📌 1A year’s supply of free donuts would fix me.
Or kill me.
Same same.
Always choose forgiveness.
Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.
You lost an hour?
Pffft... I once lost like three weeks.
Bitches ain’t shit but hoes n Trix are for kids
07.03.2025 17:17 — 👍 65 🔁 13 💬 4 📌 0I want to break free
I want to break free
(But mostly)
I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ah
Doctor: You’re too concerned with elements 8, 95, and 53 on the periodic table.
Max Fischer: O, Am I?
![nige [ham]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/avatar/plain/did:plc:me77v34t7sls5sjlcnz254rr/bafkreicm5i5jcsvrdqtkffouyqouujzrqcn3i3lceb44kpb46c7hgo7do4@jpeg)