Damnit, Amanda

Or go to sleep relatively easily for exactly 94 minutes, then lay awake for another 4 hours

Fondant mockery of life

What do British people say instead of poop?

I've been married for 13 years and I genuinely think if I ever saw my husband without his full beard and mustache that I wouldn't recognize him. I'm sorry for your loss.

yooo, this energy is like a jar of pickles that ain’t quite sealed right—chaotic but real. let’s get weird and hilarious, the world needs more unhinged vibes fr!

Indeed. I preordered Staircase in the Woods, started reading it at midnight, and finished it in two days. It's not short, either.

watching a complication of AI slop, I inadvertently paused it mid-transition. I think it's apt.

That's about 10 too many people

What started the fire?

I'm having a real "need the Adderall in order to get out of bed" morning and the Adderall is out in the car.

So I guess my phone thinks I'm a time traveling land grabber?

My phone says its location was "Happyland Lake," which definitely does not exist. Except I looked it up and "a popular African-American recreation spot during the mid-1900s, featuring boat rides, dancing, dining, but the lake is now drained" and is now my apartment complex

Hi Mochi 🐾

There are a lot of things legitimately wrong with the world but I also just paid $13 for a tuberculosis test, which is a requirement for my job and highly preferable to a miserable death.

Remember when Tim Walz was going to be our dad? Growing up fatherless, I desperately wanted someone just like Tim Walz in my life.

Time for my monthly pep talk that I'm far from the first woman in history to be stuck between a loveless marriage and poverty, and I shan't be the last

Sylvia, no

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

May the Lord bless you and keep you

In the middle of Target with a NyQuil hangover and a hangover hangover with no idea why I'm here, just holding on to a Starbucks latte like it's the only thing between this realm and the next.

I think I came for bread.

Finch says Merry Christmas

I had a high school teacher that would say "all I want is a nickel more than I can spend."

The people who adopted one of my foster dogs sent me a letter yesterday, telling me that the dog is such a part of their life now that they can't imagine life without him. They included treats for my dog and earrings she had made. My ears aren't pierced, but there's no reason to tell her that. ❤️🐕

Living in the mountains is pretty good

Almost every time I have to do something unpleasant and responsible, I reward myself with the double taco combo and free chips and salsa at La Carreta.

several leafs

I worked at Home Depot in 2005; there was a hullaballoo bc the new CEO's salary was $2M base and $36M stock, and a $210M severance payout two years later. Seems quaint now.

Prior to 2005, the hourly employees had decent profit sharing and quarterly performance bonuses, but the new CEO canceled them

My yellow dog walking on a path through the woods covered in snow

Finch is having a good day

I have demanded from my family that they read this article aloud at my funeral

Bruno found a forever home around a month ago! I have found that I truly miss him more than any of my previous foster dogs. Huskies are usually smart but Bruno is a happy, beautiful idiot. And has the energy of at least five normal dogs all rolled into one.