endlessjoe

Having a 4 yr old who screeches at me all the time is like trying to love & raise Bjork

My wife told me to make sure I eat something after I ordered another drink, but instead I’m just calling random contacts in my phone and telling them I miss US

The Dropkick Murphys are kinda like if the Decemberists didn’t read books

Writing this up both broke my heart and gave me hope, and I got more great interviews than I could even use. GO SEE COMEDY SHOWS IN NEW ORLEANS

I’m really hoping for Bluesky to win the post-Twitter social media battle because I was actually able to snag the @endlessjoe handle I’ve used forever before some other online dipshit who keeps stealing it on other websites these days. I am the one true endlessjoe, goddammit

My 4 year old son does the Conor McGregor “Roadhouse walk” around the house and I’ve never been more proud

I was finally able to log back into this app so I can begin to leave the X app behind like a greasy, stinky ex

The cloaked apparition in room #307 is not employed by the casino.

one of those nasty Ren and Stimpy closeup shots of my entire life somehow

Yo that’s some straight fuckin balderdash, on God

I had never before seen a ribbed hotdog bun, so that tacks

My mother in law bought a “hotdog flip game” for all her grandkids to play with on Christmas Eve and it is 100% a dildo

I wish there was more content I could blankly stare at while slowly losing my mind

*cracking my fingers like Bruce Lee before I jack off*

Love coming on Blueksy and shouting into the vast emptiness

im the guy they hire to eat dinner in the background of movies to really liven it up, make you feel like the world you're experiencing is real

guys love charging their phone

there are like 5 crises that are all accelerating at once in America now, but a fun game to play is to pick one and say the other four are just the media's way of distracting us from the one you picked

I hope the next Animal Crossing game lets you murder your villagers with a cute hammer or something

Bartenders will LOVE you if you can pull off this EASY #Lifehack (being an alcoholic)

The person who shops for me and delivers my groceries to my doorstep for a nominal fee brought back the wrong kind of Cocoa Pebbles. I don’t even know why I bother waking up alive anymore

Apollo Creed getting the full “Living In America” intro then just whooping Annabelle (evil doll)’s ass

Bluesky is for people who are terminally online in the “it’s ya boy tarantula dick” sort of way while Threads is for people who are terminally online in the “everything in my life is Content” sort of way

Godspeed You! Crank That Soulja Boy

*texting the Grim Reaper after a few too many drinks*

“I miss US”

Sexting the Mothman

It sucks that all of social media is collectively making us scared and insane, but at least we’re doing it TOGETHER ✌️🕊️

Kevin Durant arms/Tony Soprano torso