alice

-cocks gun- website's haunted

in a deep meditative state willing all the microplastics in my body to form a shape of my choosing (tamagotchi)

getting reticulated must feel so good if you're a spline

trans people just want to be able to live their lives and cis people are like "due to this we need to do mandatory genital inspections to children playing sports". im sorry but the problem is cis people

THEY DEFORMED ME, COOP. REDUCED ME DOWN TO ONLY MY MOST RECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERISTICS. I’M A CUTESY SHELL OF MY FORMER SELF. THE BOYS AT QUANTICO ARE CALLING ME A “CHEE-BEE.” I’M SEVEN CENTIMETERS TALL, COOP. 150 GRAMS OF VINYL PLASTIC.

I'd like to see your email try to find me

the angel on my right shoulder: maybe we should put the phone down

the devil on my left shoulder: (wearing backwards hat) keep scrollin scrollin scrollin scrollin WHAT

tumblr post showing dale gribble from hank of the hill saying "and you have all these so called whistleblowers claiming the government is putting chemicals in vaccines and food to make you one of them transgenders or homosexuals. but ive never seen a transgender support the government or one of those so called gay frogs. so it makes you wonder what they are really putting in this stuff. all im saying is that chelsea manning went to prison and mr rogan is a millionaire, and you always gotta follow the money

some of you have never used an airhorn & it blows . some of you have never used AAA & it tows.
some of you have never used a light stick & it glows . some of you have never used an overhead bin & it stows . some of you have n

pharmacists need to start inventing soda pops again. i know you've got Ritalin back there. What are you even doing all day?

hovering 6-8 inches off the ground and moving to and fro as if a haunted spectre could fix me

a Zoom plugin that plays a continuous airhorn when a meeting goes over time until everyone logs off

Transphobes would have a lot less reach on here if everyone stopped arguing with them and quoting their posts to dunk on them, they don't give a rat's ass about your arguments and enjoy wasting your time.

Might fade slowly into the background soon

Me watching some high fantasy shit: I would simply not be corrupted by the magical object. If it is actively harming you why don't you just put it down. Idiot Me receiving psychic damage 23 hours a day from my phone: Ouuughhhh OOUUuuwwwwaaaaaa ooaaaaghuuuuuhhhowwgahhhhh guuuuuwah

i think about this tweet every single day

can calculators get horny for big naturals? big tech wrestles with the “80085” question of our time

"Gavin Newsom is America's Keir Starmer" is perhaps the most devastating thing that has ever been or could ever be said about an American.

What an astoundingly stupid take.

when the AI bubble finally collapses and everyone who spent a year smugly hyping it suddenly has to come crawling back with their tail between their legs, i just want to say i am not going to be the bigger person about it. i am going to be meaner than you can even believe

Photo of Revy Photoshopped onto a transgender flag She's pointing back and looking shocked

Repost if you support trans people and think we're neato

alright so get this: bent

i hope this email doesn’t find you at all. i hope you got out. i hope you’re free

your email isn’t going to find me not today not like this not ever

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR SKINNER: We’re closing down the X-files again.

MULDER: Because I’m too close to truth!

SKINNER: No, a DOGE guy named “Big Balls” got pounded into hamburger by a pack of rowdy teens, so the president is turning you into a traffic cop.

"I'm still punk," I sigh as the only text messages I get are prescription reminders.

the green duolingo owl raising its little wing and saying “let’s review your mistakes”

there isn’t enough time in the known universe to accomplish this task