corn muffin

Every time you smile the world goes into bullet time

We should start calling them “kinetic shitposts” to differentiate them from bog standard stochastic terrorism. Not a phrase I ever thought I’d come up with but hey it’s 2025 we can live a little.

that is one cool newt!

what is the coolest picture of a newt you can find

hey babe, want to spice up our shift at the factory and trade nutrient slurries

Stellar's Jay perched on a branch of a Japanese maple tree.

very chatty Steller's Jay outside my window. looking for the snacks they like, would love to see this visitor again

someone told me I moved like a robot when I was a kid and I think about it every day

services you need: broken, unavailable

services that hurt people: continuing, engorged

no shit sherlock implies the existence of shit sherlock

luckily i became evil

i was a kid in a evangelical house, and super afraid of the rapture. who would feed my cat? i wanted to finish my book and see my friend that weekend, not get beamed up to fking forever church

one minor drawback to having a lot of tattoos is obscuring your face to share a photo doesn't work. basically any pic of me not wearing a full jumpsuit is identifiable

meeting a friend from long ago that now has an "apolitical" youtube channel about immigration, wish me luck

filling my pockets with poisonous leaves so if a monster eats me its tummy will hurt

i like to push a button that dos nothing

the code used to build AI was found underneath the pyramids. but the inscriptions were meant to be a warning. AI feeds information directly to a planet sized malicious entity named Klaktar

out in the garden communing with the vegetables

suggested biden try the tide pod challenge and got suspended

in these uncertain times we should all be practicing with nunchucks and throwing stars daily

may you dwell with the goats always, never the sheep. and may your paw be forever south

might as well have a spicy cheese curl dust bath when the opportunity presents itself

my bloomberg terminal is the west wind, telling me the ocean tide is rising. and that jellyfish are stinky when they are dying

1. start pumpkin farm with a cute farm house
2. add corn maze
3. turn the corn into razor wire
4. turn the pumpkins into alligators
5. invite your friends to come live with you and "train for halloween"

can't wait till they automate every last thing that brings me joy so i can be free to work longer hours in the pain mines

there is a tiny chef in my head, cooking up gourmet thoughts but with spoiled ingredients

me to my mustache every evening

love an egg yolk with the consistency of sidewalk chalk

shot a package of hotdogs with a gun yesterday

if you were the town crier and cried out opinions instead of news they would prbably throw you in the clink or feed you to bears

bro you are such a complex organism. all these cells and systems... just wow