Doctor says my apendix doesn't do anything, but that's where I keep all my Simpson's quotes

That one homie whose foibles are ripe for jest

Got the bundle! Thanks @wario64.bsky.social

Early Version of Butterfly Pavilion from August 2023 - Benny Feldman Watch it for free first down below!! Then pay based on how much you liked it

What's up. Here is an early version of my stand-up hour from 2023 in its entirety.

Watch it for free!! And then pay what you wish based on how much you liked it.

This will ultimately help me make the final version. Hope you enjoy.

If you have Apple TV, the second episode of The Studio might be the greatest sitcom episode in television history. Unless you work in Hollywood, in which case it's probably the most terrifying horror episode in television history.

Adolescence on Netflix is remarkable. It’s thrilling and moving, of course. But it’s also the rare piece of art that might actually do some good in the world. I’m glad it’s huge.

Common Side Effects is the best show that I hear too little about. Animated show on Max by Mike Judge and the folks behind Scavenger’s Reign (another banger.) It’s hilarious, surprising, moving and profoundly relevant. Full recommendation.

To the tune of Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls:
I drink from the fountain. I went to the doctor
I drink from the fountain. I went to the doctor
The hot doctor bade me to stop drinking,
Drinking from those tainted lines
But I want to see that doctor so I drink from
The grossest I can fiiiiiiiiiind

Me waiting at a draw bridge : I can draw a bridge way better than that. This doesn't even connect!

Me after drinking Goldschläger, nibbling the foil on my Modelo bottle: the gold really enhances the flavor

*walks up to concession stand* i would like to give up please

watched Interstellar for the first time and honestly it rips?? why was everyone complaining about this movie, "too long"?? "too boring"??? it's great!

Bordeaux? Don't mind if I deaux.

cloud intently doing squats while sephiroth chuckles and says “heh, you kids and your squats”

the children LOVE ‘EM

Huge Ackman : Wolf Marine

Mark Wahlberg watching snakes on a plane: If I was on that plane, it wouldn't go down like that.

Leon rotating a pistol to try and fit it in his attache case He smiles as he manages to place it in alongside many many fish

happy 20th anniversary to one of my favorite games ever, Resident Evil 4!!!
🐟🐟🐟🔫🐟🐟🐟🐟 🐟

Cute Lucy with her friend, Jade

Cute Eloise snuggling on Jojo's lap

Me (cusing less for my New Year'sResolution) : I gotta go take a shoot

Smoking cigarettes is the McDonalds of breathing

A man says "I am so tired of the shrieking sphere." A screaming AAAAAA can be heard in the background. The man holds aloft a sphere with a large detailed mout in it that is constantly shrieking. His distressed friend asks "jeez, why did you buy it?" The first man says "*sigh it was cute when it was a puppy." One year ago, we see the man cuddling a smaller version of the sphere. It's shriek is much quieter. He says "I am going to love you forever."

kate bush running past sisyphus