tiny octopus 🐙

Spouse took our dog to the vet this morning and this happened

In case it's not clear, there was no evidence to lead them to do this. They were searching for anything to help them deport people who had done nothing wrong, running warrant checks after kicking down the doors.

Alkaline Trio album cover, but "alkaline" is poorly crossed out and replaced with "acid"

Don't even get me started on the fifth of November!

A black dog with white paws is sleeping peacefully on a tile floor with a vacuum running right next to his tail

Like, I promise bro

So the first thing everyone does when they meet my deaf dog is test him to make sure I'm not lying about him being deaf.

trying the boys are back in town jukebox gag but with tastes good on th’ bun by ween. the bartender unplugs the jukebox before the first play even finishes

Me, after arriving at work and seeing 40 unread emails since 5pm yesterday: omg shut UP

Imagine being asked to do social media investigations and call strangers' bosses about their posts. We can barely get people to call their own Congressperson for important shit that actually impacts them.

Paintballing places too much emphasis on marksmanship. What about artistry? I'm trying to push the boundaries, explore the relationship between subject and medium, and meanwhile everybody else is just relentlessly trying to shoot me in the nuts.

AP article reads "Thean accused in the Charlie Kirk assassination [highlighted for emphasis] had earlier expressed to family his opposition to the viewpoints of the conservative activist"

Blank template of "What views, motherfucker" 2 panel chasing goose meme

If I was making crude drawings as a gag gift/ card for a buddy, I would make the woman well-endowed, but I'm not into underage girls, so I guess it's different.

Spotify: is "Dead and Bloated" by STP your favorite song?
Me: nah, but I guess it's okay
Spotify: it's your favorite song.

I can be wrong most of the time in way less than 15 seconds.

Guts are the cheese for our body ravioli

Donald Trump from a long distance away looking like someone who is wearing a mask of his face, with hollow, dark eyes and a slack, black mouth

Closeup of a skeletal zombie from The Walking Dead with large black eyes and extremely gaunt appearance

Looking good, sir

YouTube video by servomoore Ben Affleck Mocks Armageddon

The one and only

youtu.be/-ahtp0sjA5U?...

*using naan like a napkin to wipe my face* What do you mean you're breaking up with me?

Me on Spotify for the past several months: I like to explore indie, folk, and alt new releases, lots of New Wave and jam band stuff for nostalgia. Once in a while a little 90s music.

Spotify algorithm, for some reason: You are going to listen to so much Counting Crows

Have you considered a career as a drummer for the band Spinal Tap?

Tag yourself, I'm egs

AP news article with the headline "Can Empathy Lead to Sin? Some Conservative Christians argue it can" except "empathy" has been blacked out and replaced with "Following Christ ".

Don't fall for arguing with a Gen X'er online. When they get to use even the unfunniest sarcasm it gives them a boner

Matt Walsh tweet where he says he would kill every ape to save one human because he says humans are more important, and a commenter asks if he would suck off every ape to save one human

Tall neighbors make good fences.

Charles Entertainment Cheese being arrested at work in front of children.

I am "take a prophylactic aspirin before a concert" years old.

Screenshot of a portion of the article text. Highlighted section reads "The list provided phonetic pronouncers for all the Russian men expected at the summit, including "Mr. President POO-tihn.""

Lol

Me, one of 10% of high school students in 2003 who didn't learn history and government from a PE coach: man, why doesn't anyone understand civics??

3/4 Portrait of a woman made of beads and fabric from https://www.instagram.com/sobaka_sutulaya.art/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet