Matt (Taylor’s Version)

Welcome. Welcome, to City 17. You have chosen, or been chosen,

Apparently the cat figured out the sequence of button presses necessary to unlock her automatic feeder and make it shoot out extra food

People who fashion themselves as tech geniuses have a disturbing predilection for a "thought experiment" called Roko's Basilisk. All they've done is reformulate the notion of God's final judgment into something that sounds technological but is in fact fundamentally theological.

The UK arrested Prince Andrew. Hakeem Jeffries is telling Democrats not to boo Trump at the State of the Union.

England’s king, the prince’s brother, released a statement all but saying “fuck that guy” meanwhile Trump is sadder about pedophile Andrew getting arrested than he was about that guy getting shot instead of him

"excuse me sir, there must be some mistake- i voted to create the camps, not live in the zone of interest" is like every trump voter

Why would anyone pay photographers at all, their job is all about exposure

Quick question how much cash does Oklahoma City, Oklahoma have on hand

Concerning

I’ve never heard of this specifically however I thought it was common knowledge to never, never, EVER, use the hotel coffee brewer

I got the viral haunted doll from Target but mine didn’t speak in Latin like all the TikToks said it would

oh for sure, that was 100% her goal and I 100% learned my lesson

I saw “Small Time Crooks” when I was a kid, I told my mom the previews looked hilarious and she warned me “you don’t understand, it’s a Woody Allen movie” anyway she was right. 20 minutes of comedy & then two hours of old people complaining about bullshit. Afterwards I grounded myself as punishment

If you buy the Seahawks before free agency begins you can still get a Super Bowl ring

In fairness “we don’t know what the charge is we just know our boss wants this person in jail” has been way more effective than anyone could have possibly predicted

Science is amazing: a new study shows that a chemical unique to New York City’s water supply causes its citizens to experience face blindness but specifically only for the Impractical Jokers

Happy retirement to Robert Woods, whom Chip Kelly originally wanted in the LeSean McCoy trade but the Bills hesitated for half a second and Kelly panicked and said “fuck it just give me Kiko Alonso”

I’ve experienced several minor timeline resets but the major one in 1776 is news to me

as long as I don’t lose it while running errands because I’m out of other options here

I should be able to text my cat and ask her if I left the thing I can’t find anywhere on the counter

Everyone’s opinion of AI is “it’s great at everything else but it can’t do MY job” and no one with money seems capable of putting the pieces together there

I disagree

no argument here

We’ve been over this

except for curling, where you’re screaming at the guy in public

And you have the, it will, it it it it it essentially, will, *laughs* the, the, driving itself, and it, with the the the, really, and we can talk about this all we want, but I think it’s it’s pretty obvious by now.

“And to stop it I’m going to…”

We’re well past the stage of merely documenting the bad. ICE is at like 80% disapproval, the whole country agrees it’s “disgusting.” If you’re a person in power its time to start laying out your plan to end it

The Dude Perfect guys are bullying me. They took my hat and are throwing it to each other playing keep-away but when they miss a throw they say I’m not allowed to pick it up because they have to redo the take. We’ve been here for hours because the fat one is trying to bounce my hat off a backboard

it is

Gritty Homer Nic Cage Phanatic Dan McQuade at the Roots concert on The Simpsons

So is that @dhm.bsky.social at the top right?