The Boron Sheikh

Also, the Punisher’s skull’s eye holes are … the Punisher’s nipples?

Dude in the back brought a knife to a gun fight.

“Welcome to the Jungle” is Lithuania’s national anthem.

Wife, watching ski-mo: “Not only do you have to have incredible endurance, but you’ve got to be good at assembling Ikea furniture, too. It’s a competition that comes down to how fast you can tie your shoelaces.”

Or get a Pars rice cooker. Wonderful tahdig all the time!

“Cracker” is a white person and a tiny piece of toast we put cheese and peanut butter on.

…percussion drilling techniques of the Chinese were the leading invention. All percussion drilling, from early Sichuan to nine-teenth-century Kanawha, essentially consisted of a chisel with a long shaft being whacked by a kind of hammer. In the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, Europeans began using a rotary drill. They attached extension rods, known as boring rods, which, in 1640, enabled the Dutch to drill 216 feet under Amsterdam to reach a source of fresh water. In the early nineteenth century, the drilling proved so suc-cesstul at Kanawha that many Americans began deep-drilling projects in search of salt. An improved connection between the driving shaft and the drill shaft was developed in the United States; this connection was called a jar because it was designed to better withstand the jar of the pounding shaft. Europeans quickly adopted the American invention. Jars had actually been used centuries earlier by the Chinese, but westerners did not know this. At the time of the American invention of the jar, a western missionary, one Father Imbert, had gone to China to study the ancient wells of Sichuan. He reported on more than 1,000 ancient wells drilled to great depths and brine lifted in long bamboo buckets. He also observed that the Chinese had elaborate techniques for recovering broken drill shafts. In the West, such obstructions were often the cause of a well being abandoned

I just finished Salt today actually. I loved his running bit where he’d describe a practice or technology, and then say “which the Chinese had already been doing for at least 800 years.”

Me [droopy faced, weary, a withering ember embedded in a pile of ashes]: “Hey everybody, it looks like we might get more inches of snow Sunday night. Any plans for Monday if schools are closed?”

Toe nails are called “tonies” now.

A lot of Michaels getting their questions answered in this one.

Me [reading the internet]: “Oh, so it’s not just Year of the Horse, it’s Year of the *Fire* Horse.”

Wife: “Well that sounds like a better horse.”

Oh no. Maryland and Florida are the same shape.

Okay, no more bars in Wisconsin until we figure out what the fuck is going on over there.

And the isotoner gloves.

Unspeakable: Jackass for elementary school kids.

This German guy in this pairs short program looks like if “Will To Power” decided it was going to join a greaser motorcycle gang.

Matching CMYK jumpsuits is how you know they’re from an advanced alien civilization.

Pairs figuring skating needs a basketball hoop on the ice so when the guy tosses his partner in the air, she’s gotta dunk the ball. And then she gets points for the dunk.

Ah, Costco! Land of round men sculpting themselves jawlines out of their beards.

“They could be ready by 2030”

Sounds like a threat.

Fuck it, I’m calling it: the Northern Cardinal is now America’s national bird.

Then this kid’s smooth on multiple levels.

Wait, what’s the story here, because the ball he hands her is not the ball he caught. Was this his second catch of the game?

I have absolutely no memory of Max Kepler playing for the Phillies last season. That really happened?

For a sport that has a key maneuver called a “quad”, you’d think these guys’d have bigger legs.

Putting on my eyeball bra like an alpine skier pulling on their snow goggles.

Wait. Is there a jump in the snowboard cross called the “wu tang extension”? Because that’s what I keep hearing.

Damn. Radek’s out.

Men’s snowboard cross is a bunch of children. And Radek.