Chilliwack Daily Chronicle

Breaking: 300 Chilliwack liberals test positive for H1N1 bird flu.

Costco customers are reporting that the food counter hot dogs are best eaten culled.

A University of the Fraser Valley study has proven the Shroud of Sardis has an authentic image of Adam Vedder.

Swell.

Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed OTTAWA – Milton Smolyak, a “red tory” who has been rumoured to be mulling over a switch to the Liberal Party, woke up this morning with the severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed. “I wa...

Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed

Some parents say the new M&M Singles are a great Halloween treat, the children we asked aren’t so sure.

More later.

Chilliwack aims to reduce endangered bird deaths by enforcing rules on foul hooking.

Nice gig.

Dodgeball or Baseball? We will let the players decide.

#bluejays #worldseries #targetpractice

We’d like to congratulate the formerly Prince Andrew on his new appointment as the Prince of Fails.

I have a very bad feeling about this...

However, rain delays do!

Hofstedes Country Barn, Chilliwack Mayors office have come to an agreement to turn the produce aisle into a ballroom.

Chowder.

Fraser Valley Meats says this is the last year they will sell Gobblers brand Beyond Turkey frozen turkey breasts.

Customer feedback was that most consumers do not like the offal taste.

According to RFK, banning circumcision could have prevented a lot of parody news accounts.

Dukes of Hazard brothers arrested trying to jump the border into Canada.

U.S. Military Carries Out Strike On Scuffy The Tugboat Pentagon Claims Little Red Vessel Working With ‘Narco-Terrorists’

U.S. Military Carries Out Strike On Scuffy The Tugboat https://theonion.com/u-s-military-carries-out-strike-on-scuffy-the-tugboat/

A satirical news headline reading: Trump on 51st State: “Canada needs America’s protection from countries like America”

Trump retweeted earlier today that he will end the war in Portland in one day if reelected.

If a glass coffin is available, remains to be seen.

Scans have further revealed traces of toxic Releasium-3 and Epsteinium isotopes.

Mars perseverance has discovered primordial ooze under a small orange Martian rock; analysis shows traces of DNA linked to the lowest forms of life known on earth.

A Chilliwack councillor is under fire after suggesting discarded needles be recycled into reflective material to use in lane marking paint.

Allen Key inflation. A term first coined by famous Swedish economist Erik Lindahl. 🤣

Like, no. Just no.

Please ignore the part about Gemini occasionally making mistakes, we don’t believe that.

We have done our own research and found proof on the internet that we never have sailing waits.

Allen Key inflation is bad for the economy.

Facebook has updated its community guidelines to add “You're Entitled to Your Wrong Opinion" after an online between two prominent Chilliwack women became heated.