Spookie Tea

I'm going to get my septum pierced so conservative men stay the fuck away from me

Carrot sticks are just noisy spoons for ranch dressing.

Okay, sure “distracted driving” but this vagina isn’t gonna finger itself.

I violated the hole in my Swiss cheese with a pickle.

I’d do it again.

Ground-level sign on Runway A at what looks like a small rural airport: "License suspension 6 months: No meowing on 121.5 this taxiway" ("Meowing" is pilots joking and trolling on little-used frequencies, mostly using animal noises. 121.5 is the international emergency frequency)

Captain Mittens was stumped. How would she ask for permission to take off?

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:
-it’s ok to not be someone’s type, it doesn’t diminish your value
-you can be friends with people you don’t want to fuck
-you can be friends with people who don’t want to fuck you

FFS, man! 😂

Killer: Drink this cyanide.

Me: But Halloween is just a few weeks away!

Killer: *sigh* Drink this pumpkin spice cyanide

the tranquility of a sunday afternoon, a breeze gently rustling through the trees, birds chirping, the odd cars driving past that resemble the sound of ocean waves and in the distance, a solitary man roaring at the panthers game on tv like he's being operated on minus the anaesthesia

Age yourself with a film you saw in the cinema as a kid.

Oh good, you're still here

YouTube video by Lola Young Lola Young - Post Sex Clarity (Official Video)

I love her
youtu.be/2HuHrO8vL8k

Change a movie by adding a word

Full Metal Denim Jacket

Change a movie entirely by adding a word

Porn Star Wars

Subtly downgrade a band

The Shirley Temple Pilots

Can we just give the influencers their own internet? But not tell them 🤫

Yeah, he's been a pain in Emery's arse!

#UTV #AVFC 💜💙

I need someone to invent an app like Signal. But instead of cheating on your partner, you get to cheat on your diet with no consequences!

Bon voyage!!

I’m gonna be pissed if the joke I have in reserve for when it happens doesn’t go viral

I can tumble out of bed & I can stumble into the kitchen but expecting me to pour a cup of ambition is a bridge to far

I know that the voices in my head aren't real, but they sure come up with some great posts.

The Conservative Hitchhiker's Guide to Shifting Blame to the Liberal Galaxy

Anyone out there looking for an internet friend to connect with and send all your money

oh last night i had a dream that included harry styles living in my building, me having a cat, and finding a very 22 outfit in a thirft store

If only there was a cure for being a cunt.

"anti-ice" and it's just salt for the sidewalks

Every time Trump speaks publicly an angel moves to Canada

She lit up every room she walked into*

*until she was arrested for arson

Only Fans but it's Only Cans and it's just me taking pictures of random trashcans. Headline "look at my junk filled trunks." My name will be Nasty Girl.