Sarah

How the Grinch stole your catalytic converter then hawked it for meth in order to start an assisted living facility not covered by Medicare

I think my team will be on board with this. I just need to figure out the lighting in the office.

Helaware Delaware made me laugh out loud.

I’m in public.

two men are standing in a room with purple lights ALT: two men are standing in a room with purple lights

Latecomer to “Severance” and I am obsessed with the MDE.

Going to instate these at work. Defiant Jazz all day.

Not many people know that Hannah Montana has 49 other alter egos, such as Horegon Oregon, Helaware Delaware, Hexas Texas and Hawaii Hawaii.

Black Friday indeed.

But it was such a good price for child deletion!

It sucks, but you have to go to the ER. Dealing with something similar with my Dad. It is the only way to get care quickly these days. Absolute bullshit

Weren’t Ace of Base actual Nazis?

“False Start. Everybody except the center” is my new favorite call I’ve ever heard during a football game.

My daughter asked me if she could have a “little treat” if she was good at the eye doctor.

My daughter is 21.

(I still said yes)

When these files are released he is going to invade Venezuela to distract us.

We cannot win with him in charge.

Gen Z Boy: She isn’t Beyoncé, but she is the one just like Beyoncé.

Madonna. He was talking about Madonna.

Oh, I’m at the hell alright.

I mean - it is *mostly* children

Yup. Right in the pool.

I’ve worked at a community center for almost two years and the most surprising part so far is how often people actually shit in the pool.

Oh Daft Punk, a ten minute song called “Too Long”? I agree completely.

The airports are FULL. I have mad respect for all of these TSA people and Air Traffic Controllers working without pay

I knew you had my back

a man in a red hat is talking to a woman in a park ALT: a man in a red hat is talking to a woman in a park

10k more followers and then I can quit.

Nice of the NFL to have a game on Berlin time when I am stuck in an airport bar before 1 on a Sunday

We never liked that place anyway

the sandwich guy walking away from the court house and suddenly, his limp disappears

Just saw three pale horsemen. One was shouting into their phone and one was checking their watch.

I'm sure it's fine.

Were you just on my plane?

*checks find my phone*

I do now.

If you dislike your own post, you die irl.

Was legit thinking of piercing something for the same reason