Joe Goes Over

What's the big deal about releasing the Epstein files?

It's been repeatedly shown that Trump will not suffer any consequences for his crimes, and Republicans are more than happy to protect him.

Those files could contain videos of him committing assault, and it won't change a single MAGA mind.

I'm both surprised by all the Simpsons memes in my feed and surprised that there aren't more Simpsons memes in my feed.

I miss the goofy days when Bond meant gadgets, fun, over-the-top villain schemes and nauseating asides.

If I want to watch a goddamned Jason Bourne Bond film, I'll just watch a goddamned Jason Bourne film.

Wait, what?

"Shinobi Ninja"? Those words literally mean the same thing.

That's like calling a movie "Canine Dog".

Thank you for not calling them "peepers".

As a GenXer, that term makes me feel so goddamned old.

My guess is the witch shits in a bucket and uses magic to dry it completely, turning it into white powder. This is then boiled in a pot along with water, sugar, milk and an emulsifier, producing a batch of white chocolate.

Which can't be too far off from how white chocolate is made in real life.

FedEx: "Your package is scheduled to arrive today."

Also FedEx: Your package was 14 hours away at 2:30am this morning, and we haven't updated that status since."

Whenever a store says they're using FedEx to ship a product to me, my soul screams like Kirk shouting Khan's name.

This is borderline "They all live in their mother's basement!" levels of out-of-touch snark.

I'm not much of a seafood fan myself, but occasionally I'll get a hankerin' for New England style.

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

I find myself going to the thesaurus more and more often these days because I KNOW the word I want to use, but those goddamned brain goblins refuse to cough it up until I force their evil little clawed hands.

May as well refer to them as such these days:

"Supreme Court Of Republican United States".

People are talking about Tomi Lahren?

When in the hell did I fall into a wormhole that transported me to 2015?

I'd warn people about Trump, but we all know THAT won't work.

What? You're telling me they DON'T manufacture fencing foils via a time-honored art of folding the metal thousands of times to ensure an unbreakable blade?

More like oZZZymandias, amirite? 🥁

The entirety of human history has been one long, sad, depressing, soul-crushing journey of validation of the idea that it's not WHAT you know, but WHO you know...

I don't mind him falling asleep all the time during important meetings.

It's the waking up afterward that really annoys the shit out of me.

That is so pathetic, I almost want to clap in admiration.

Sorry to hear that.

I've always been fortunate that most of my exes always left the area, and there was never any chance to encounter them again.

Like dealing with any asshole, if you can just keep yourself distracted while ignoring them...

You look like you should be telling Bill Paxton the days of sniffing in the dirt are over.

At this point I'm like, "Why don't we save up all the prosecutions until AFTER Trump is out of office (one way or the other) because he will just pardon anyone that gets convicted of doing crimes for him?"

He'll likely not bother granting blanket pardons for anyone but himself on his last day.

Someone's going to get a nasty letter from the Lennon Estate...

My grandparents ran a catering business when I was a child, and I used to steal the little plastic swords they used for their bar for my Kenner Star Wars action figures.

Sandwich Man's prosecution was bullshit and never should have happened.

However, I might not have supported acquittal if the sandwich in question had come from Jimmy John's.

The risk of any of that getting into the victim's mouth is worth at least an attempted manslaughter conviction.

I'm grindering my teeth at your awful puns, Triv. Mayo please stop with them? I've mustard all my rage into this one post, because I didn't want to salami you in the back of the head.

Chedda.

There's a joke in here somewhere about the Subway guy getting away with hurling a sandwich at an agent working for a known pedophile like Donald Trump, redeeming the company somewhat for all the pedophile shit that Jared was guilty of.

Sadly, I'm too mediocre to come up with it myself.

My wife and I would still be playing Rock Band today, but I can't get my PS5 to recognize any of my USB mics, and it feels so disappointing singing into a controller.

RFK Jr. ran like Princip running from Ferdinand.

Exactly.

Lots of other dominoes need to fall before mandatory retirement for everyone would be feasible.

Pelosi lost my support after kneecapping AOC.

As I've entered my mid-50s, I've come to the inescapable conclusion that the only hope we have as a country is getting YOUNG people in office.

Well, not the Charlie Kirk types, obviously.

I'm talking about human beings, not Nazi Forehead Goblins.