🎃 Taylor S. Pumpkins 🎃

Me, moments before spilling my coffee in my lap: “No I don’t need any napkins thanks”

You had me at it was a mistake for white people

shhhhhhhh

on a real fresca kick lately

Smh

never in my life have I used the correct amount of spinach in a recipe

feel free to substitute mortgage with any bill

devastating when you pay your mortgage and the money actually leaves your account

In Washington you can be a new man

I’m so sorry this is reality! Thank you for serving South Carolina 💜 (and congrats on baby!!!!)

BREAKING

A federal judge that the Trump admin's policy targeting pro-Palestinian students for deportation violated the First Amendment.

His blistering, 161-page ruling starts with a threat he received in chambers and his response.

What a very dark day among very dark days.

If you want some solace, and this may be copium, it does appear this shit bombed.

Hey remember when the CDC dropped 6 of the 8 foodborne illnesses from the nationwide monitoring system in July and one of them was listeria? Mentioning for no particular reason www.nbcnews.com/health/healt...

Hearing him joke about it with Theo Vonn (saw a clip on TikTok) basically saying he took it because of how much money it was… did a real number on me

I had automatic updates and it did it whilst I was sleeping. I feel so violated.

Accidentally updated to iOS 26 and I’m being so brave about it

Cleveland going to the playoffs is bringing our household much joy ⚾️

we have reached code 1

Never move as fast as when I hear my kid ask where the scissors are

I’m unfamiliar with this type

What’s in your hurricane kit? Wrong answers only

this would be like, the least surprising thing I’ve found out about in recent memory

you probably need to be of a certain vintage to understand the absolute hilarity of ken starr being in the epstein files

Does he have his phone number

Unfortunately the way this storm is lining up with another one is making it really hard to predict. SO that means that by the time we know what it’s going to do there won’t be much time to prepare. 🫠🫠🫠

does anyone know who is controlling the weather these days, I’d like to put in some calls

me when I reset a tripped circuit on my circuit breaker