Gil

incredible scenes at the Euston urinals - dozens of men holding hands and chanting "Put your phone away and have a proper piss"

Chotiner: I'm going to eat you...

Victim: Aaaahhh!!

Chotiner: I'm putting you between two big slices of bread....

Victim: Aaagh! Aaagh!

Chotiner: And now...I'm covering you with mustard...

Victim: No! NO!

(Uruk's first stand-up, 4500 BC)

Temple laborers these days huh. "Ohh I miss protein" - what's wrong with a bowl of fermented barley beer? (booing) Come on. You can't tell me *this* guy did badly out of grain cultivation (dodging thrown cuneiform tablet) Tough crowd? I have no frame of reference!

hey man. me and a few of the guys were thinking about attempting the transition from seasonal foraging to early sedentary city-state status later if you're down ?

Epstein's male friends: You have the courage of a lion. You are the truest friend. Our lives are as one. Stand firm Jeffrey. Give them hell.

my male friends: Hey man. How's it going?

it is! i can thoroughly recommend the fancy version of the ginger crunch biscuit

In this down-at-heel diner in Labour's traditional Levenshulme heartland, the party's erstwhile base is asking questions with no easy answers for the Prime Minister.

Questions like; Is the male mullet passé? Is Feeld the new Hinge? How much can a glass of natural orange wine really cost, anyway?

Welcome to my festival of music 😌 (crowd cheers) And of ideas 😏 (crowd screams, blast doors slam shut, Rory Stewart jogs on stage)

Lineup for 'Will This Do?' festival 2026 unveiled, featuring The Fratellis (Chelsea Dagger 17th anniversary tour), Jess Glynne, and Groove Armada (DJ set)

"Flying Ant Day" is the title of my widely panned, rooneyesque debut novel

her: I guess I'm looking for something of a Renaissance Man, you know?

me (thinking of Vitruvian Man, slowly shifting my arms and legs to outline a perfect circle): Totally

Hugh, thank you for sharing the burden of resharing my many good posts

probably feels soooo good to live in a sovereign nation

Keir Starmer has slammed my recent purchase of a £5 bake and oat flat white: "Not in the interests of the British people at this time"

opening the Wikipedia page for the UK Labour party with a pleasant smile, gradually draining away into a mask of unbridled horror as i scroll closer to the present day

Tom Foolery was the first man to act silly - this was so startling to his contemporaries he was hanged by the neck until dead.

John Burn-Murdoch has broken into my apartment and is charting my personal decline across key metrics in red paint over the walls

Experience: I dined across the divide at the pub that changed me

"From here on out, it's Obaa" - OBAA (2025)

nice argument. however i have already depicted you as the VR headset wearing, pool-lounging, pulled pork guzzling contemporary consumer, and myself as the local newspaper perusing, fresh minced turkey selecting, DVD renting refined consumer of days gone by

disappointingly poor effort from the Office for National Statistics on their In/Out for 2026 post - 21 days late and arguably not even particularly funny ?

nice courtney barnett and waxahatchee song on the radio. if you listen carefully to the production you can hear all the sounds made by mj lenderman attempting to break into the studio to add an extra guitar bit

👱‍♀️: what can i get you, darl

😏: just keep em coming

👱‍♀️: you haven't ordered a drink yet

😥: o..ohh, sorry it's my first time in a bar. um, grandma used to make fresh lemonade where all the ice cubes had little dinosaur toys frozen inside. she called them 'arctic expeditions' - do you have that?

cheers Grobian, Martin Wolf has a gun to my head and he's just nodded and given the thumbs up

every day the Financial Times asks me questions i am frankly unqualified to answer

have it on good authority that Peter Kyle will tomorrow announce the consolidation of the @grobiansyboe.bsky.social, @lobstereo.bsky.social and @guy-normal.bsky.social accounts into a single National Champion to go toe-to-toe with the US imperialist cartels that have hitherto dominated microblogging

we're in a new paradigm now - all UK posters must collaborate to maximize our exports of hit posts and minimize reliance on imported American riffs 👆

With immense regret that it has come to this, I will - effective immediately - be applying a retaliatory 10% reduction in the number of emoji reacts for American members of my group chats

ahahaha

bro did you seriously just confuse the map for the terrain 😬