muffin oracle🔮🕸️ ʰᶦᵍʰ ᵖʳᶦᵉˢᵗᵉˢˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᶦᶜᵉ ᶜʳᵉᵃᵐ ᵈᶦᵐᵉⁿˢᶦᵒⁿ 🎉🧁

studying my mom’s old journals to see where it went wrong

we had it comin :(

Being observed today so I guess I'll go through the slit on the left

man if i brought some grime home and my friend tried to wash it i'd be so pissed off. like what are you doing to my grime

5'1" can confirm

lasaña

Attempting to make a contribution to the weekly staff meeting by scrambling wildly up the curtains like a cat.

only $34.99/mo for premium GrandmAⁱ subscription!

🤷‍♀️ not saying it's good or bad, just that that's all i know. the likelihood of diVine being garbage is high though, on account of the enshittification of everything

i guess jack dorsey is rebooting it and it's called diVine now PLUS they just restored the whole vine archive?????????? idk i only skimmed the articles but it seems to be happening

my humiliation ritual takes place every single day and consists of being a person who is currently alive on earth

i can hear the clanking of her plastic costume jewelry against the counter as she places down a magazine and a pack of werthers so she can fish in her purse for a coin

I can’t explain religious phenomenons, but the lady w smokers wrinkles buying scratch offs bitchin there’s never any sweet & low is a mystic—cause when she calls you “hon”—it’s healing.

chicago cuz whoever he is, he had it comin

Today is a good day to remember, and to say, that the #MeToo movement was right, and was righteous, and has been vindicated over and over again. There was no overreach. There was no excess. There was no they-went-too-far.

So much work remains to be done.

I recently opened a company selling
trampolines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

"oh by the way, your workplace hired me. they don't need you anymore." 💩💩💩

and yet no matter what crazy opinions you share with it, it won't just agree with you -- it'll tell you you're a genius for coming up with those ideas!

oh HELL YEA

i love watching youtube videos about quantum theory and stuff where experts say things like "imagine a cube. now, if the cube had 16 sides but it remains cubular, within each of those sides we'd find a replica of the entire platonic cube form, tessellated"
and being like oh yeah, everyone knows that

PeAⁱs!

is christina aguilera a joke to you

a woman with purple hair is on the inside edition of the view show Alt: kelly osbourne on the view in the infamous "ohhh that's not..." clip

oh-.. that's not....

VINE IS COMING BACK????????????

e n j o y t h e g o o p t o d a y !

*right clicking you on the forehead to look up the meaning of the word you just used*

"does it make a coherent concept.?"

no! next question

@mjmimages.bsky.social i am writing to you today to humbly request another season of possible new idioms 💖

Saying "sorry" when apologizing:
- cliché
- uninspired
- bourgeois

Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing:
- volatile
- befuddling
- érotique