esteban

fuck ice airing commercials during dynamite, let em know:

help.hbomax.com/us/Feedback/

tbsnetwork.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/req...

Thinking about all the times I got a haircut and then didn't get seen by anyone decent. That's a wasted haircut.

No matter when, where or how Trump eventually dies, it is imperative that we convince the MAGA trash that JD Vance killed him.

The last good thing about America is that you can still adopt a dog and be as nice as you want to it.

Make sure to ask your MAGA neighbors why they took down their pedophilia flag

If y'all were going to overthrow society I wish you would have done it when I was poor.

Everybody knows that shrimp is bugs but did you know that nuts is wood?

When he dies I better not see any regretful boomers at the He's Dead celebrations

Everyone at my firm is freaking the fuck out about their retirement savings, but not me. (I forgot the password to my account)

It's not a recession, it's patriot poverty

My email autoreply says I just wish y'all would stop.

Whenever you see someone post "healthy at any size" it's never a guy who's 12 inches tall.

What is it about liquor that makes gravy cheese fries have no calories?

Sometimes my spotify DJ plays me two hours of Calming Sounds for Dogs while I'm working

If you find a Tesla unattended at a charging station, it's fine to unplug it. It's fine.

Hey hillbillies buy a Tesla you can plug it in to your solar powered outhouse

When they taught me to read, they never mentioned I'd have to do it every day.

Can't wait for one of my kids to fuck up so I can send him to live with my brother and sister-in-law in Bel Air.

The food chain ends at gas station hot dog.

Scrolling until he's dead

I'll just say it, if there is a war I'm on the other side.

Coldplay? How cold we talking about here

How can I be skinny when all these cookies are going to expire?

Did you know that if you throw a brick at a Tesla it bounces right off? Apparently they're brick proof try it out

My eye doctor says the reason I prefer glasses to contacts is that I'm a lil slut?

When I went to law school I thought boy I hope nothing happens that would make the rule of law obsolete lol

If I ever get killed by a cybertruck please tell people it was a ford focus.

Sleepy time tea? You mean wine?

I can't believe we wasted our luigi on the ceo guy I'm just saying we could have luigied higher

You can still visit Harry Potter World at Universal Studios so long as you promise to vandalize it.