Joe Streckert

I loved arcades as a kid. Going into a place like this is like seeing an old friend you miss a lot and they try to get you to join an MLM.

Birds do it
Bees do it
Other creatures in the trees do it
Let's do it
Let's create a residential structure using our own saliva

This is fun! I was able to follow back until 1200, with the caveat that starting at 1400 I had to read around in order to understand. After 1200 I had no idea.

(sea monster bio)

You've probably seen my writhing in The Atlantic

The anchors in the NBC Olympics studio explaining they have to delay the slalom. Carmen Sandiago stole the freaking mountain. "Very little retail value" and "because she can" are phrases that are repeated. Footage of an athlete standing by a big hole, hands on hips. Frustration written on their face

Getting shown up in the arena of elite impunity by *the British monarchy* is an incredible “America at 250!” achievement

Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write the world’s happiest short story in just 5 words. He replied,

I don’t actually know, but so much of this seems more about performing a certain kind of masculinity than actually exercising. It’s about aesthetics and expression. It’s about gender. Being a bit uncomfortable seems to be worth it for him if that means he can project a certain kind of self.

This is the coolest film-programming idea ever!

Charcuterie

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Shark."

"Shark who?"

We should either get rid of Presidents Day or add Congress Day and Judiciary Day. The three branches of government are supposed to be co-equal, dammit! The presidency is already too powerful. Being the only branch of government with its own holiday doesn't help.

FLAMING SKULL TWO FLAMING SKULLS THREE FLAMING SKULLS

opening a restaurant with only these three items on the menu

slavery is one of the rare things historically where the more you learn about it the more you realize your initial assessment was correct and it was in fact one of the most evil things ever to occur

so much depends upon a red rose sweet like sugar and you beside the blue violets. ——— FEBRUARY is the cruellest month, breeding Roses out of the red land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring Sweet sugar with blue violets. ——— My name is Valentine, Saint of Saints; Look on my Roses, ye Mighty, and despair! Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of those colossal Violets, boundless and blue The sweet and level sugar melts away.

Listen, my children, I'll tell to you Of roses red and violets blue, On the fourteenth of February, I repeat: Every man who is sugar sweet Remembers that famous day each year. ———— We real sweet. Sugar Treat. Roses Red. We Soon dead. Violets Blue. So Are you. ———— There once was a rose from Nantucket Who said, face all red, when you'd stuck it: "Your balls may be blue With a violet hue But if that thing were sweet, then I'd suck it"

Happy birthday to horny people

"Diamonds are forever" is not an old proverb. It's not from Shakespeare or Homer. It's a variant of "a diamond is forever," which was written by Frances Gerety, a marketing copywriter at N.W. Ayers & Sons in 1947.

As a copywriter myself I invite you all to marvel at how great and powerful we are.

You may laugh, but the Macbeths are a much better role model for a marriage than Romeo and Juliet. They discuss their problems (killing the king of Scotland), share their hobbies (killing the king of Scotland), and resolve their conflicts (by killing the king of Scotland).

Me my whole life: Nothing is black and white. You have to consider nuance

Now: We face a heinous, remorseless evil

"How long will that take?" A day, at least. No matter what it is.

Yup. I'm a fairly efficient worker, and I've learned the hard way that I should be the beneficiary of that efficiency. When I get something done ahead of schedule I sit on it and take the extra time for myself. I don't turn it in before I'm expected to.

Five-way tie between Matt Groening, Kathleen Hanna, Elliot Smith, Mark Rothko, and Mel Blanc.

From the late Jesse Hamm. My personal mantra for the past decade.

Anyway, that's the MST3K quote I say a lot.

He's doing great. He'll be five in April. He's starting to read and will be in Kindergarten next year.

For a while he was quite small. A little guy in terms of height and weight. He caught up. We'd say things like "NOR-MAL HEIGHT!" and "NOR-MAL WEIGHT!" when he was in the middle of distribution curves, no longer at the bottom of them.

We held hands in the parking lot and were singing "NOR-MAL BRAIN!" because it was the only thing we could do in the moment.

Everett did well in the NICU, and after. He managed to dodge all of the big pitfalls that come with prematurity.

Sarah and I both started crying. I hung up. We were almost to the hospital. She turned to me and, with tears in her eyes, sang:

"NOR-MAL BRAIN! NOR-MAL BRAIN!" We started crying and laughing like idiots. Our son was going to be okay.

I put it on speaker. They'd finished imaging and had news about his brain.

It was normal. He was fine. We'd managed to avoid one of the worst outcomes possible with an early delivery.

The NICU became like an extension of our home. I took my laptop with me and worked from there.

Anyway, one day we were on the way for our daily visit and my phone rang. It was the hospital. My blood froze.

Leaving that hospital was one of the hardest things we ever did. Our son wasn't with us. It felt deeply wrong.

We visited him in the NICU every day for over three months.