From the creator of "I have no mouth and I must scream" comes a new even scarier story, "I got a mouth and I am screamin'!"

Did a lot better than I expected. Which is great, because he's gonna have to do that a lot in his career.

I love the William Eklund show

Remembering acts of cringe I committed as a teenager and young adult used to keep me up at night. Now I just consider if it was something an autistic person would have done and if the answer is Yes it becomes a funny memory. That's probably the best part of getting diagnosed.

M sending him on a mission to find the best ice cream in town

If you hit 50 emails you get 1 atrocity.

(watching Aragorn kick the helmet)
Me: That scream is real. Peter Jackson really killed 2 of Viggo Mortensen's friends for this scene.

I am active in my community (I'm standing in front of my house, yelling all the mailbox numbers I can see)

Weaponizing my incompetence? I wouldn't even know where to start! Can you just do it for me 🥺

How are you doing word facts but don't know the difference between Cavalry and Calvary

Uh oh?

Door fell bad for door?

Candle wax strong enough hold door up?

Can use candle wax instead of welding?

If you say "Skip" enough times the bridge troll will stop doing riddles 3 and just give you a CAPTCHA.

If I was building the tower of Babel I probably would have made sure everyone was clear on the design plan before we started building. Then if we all lost the ability to communicate with each other we'd still be able to stack bricks without much hassle. It's a tower, dude. You just go up.

Hog Tier patrons get the version with a whoppin' big horse hog

Kinda wish the Illuminati was real right now tbh

Words I live by:
Breathe though a wet rag or towel
Get down low and go go go
Roll on the ground
Call for help

That's a bit of an L for Walman. Guy bumps into him with inside position. Should have been all over that instead of standing around.

It was quicksand for me. May still come in to play, who's to say

Yes but not in the way you mean (I have evidence that will lead to the cancellation of Elmo)

"I'm on the seafood diet."
- man on raft lost at sea

A lot of people talking about the goal and Eklund's pass, but what about Pickles? Little through the legs pass to spring Eklund. Beautiful.

Hogwarts posters in the background lol

"get home safe :)"
(derogatory)

Been working on an affordable alternative to build a bear. It's called build a hair. You get a bag of loose hair, a bottle of glue, and 1 hour. What you take home is up to you.

I don't like the idea of traveling a broad. Seems like it would be much safer to travel a fella.

Girlfriend just took a pregnancy test, anyone know how long before she pees it out?

Fuck