Curtis Retherford

A.I. needs to watch its back, I'm coming for its job.

Borrow tons of money with no chance of ever making it back? Kid shit.

Lie that I'm good at stuff that I'll never be good at? Doing it now.

Always be 5 years away from meeting my potential? Buddy, that's my life story.

Found the most cursed part of BlueSky

hint: you gotta shine the lasers in the right place, in the right way

btw Zella has started inventing signs, since she still only has fewer than 10 words, and one of them is "baby." So she'll point to a baby or another little toddler and go "wah wah wah" while making the crying motion, and it really looks like she's mocking them in exactly this way

Texted "stop" to opt-out of some marketing text and they texted back "STOP" to me. I guess we've opted out of each other. It was mutual

Pretty sure the Olympics are next year? I remember I was just absolutely shocked to learn that they're next year when I read an article about it, about a year ago-- wait. oh no. Oh no no

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.

1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.

2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

If they gutted USAID and public broadcasting without a second thought, the least, the absolute least, we can do is abolish ICE.

introducing a bill that requires that the ICE goons have to print low resolution pictures of their faces on their face masks

It's so fucked up to have been a kid during the D&D is the devil freakout and the Tipper Gore dirty lyrics freakout and live to see the teen suicide machine get such a pass.

me finishing a zoom meeting

they could call it a dark

AI-Powered Stuffed Animal Pulled From Market After Disturbing Interactions With Children FoloToy says it's suspended sales of its AI-powered teddy bear after researchers found it gave wildly inappropriate and dangerous answers.

"Powered by OpenAI’s GPT-4o model by default...tests repeatedly showed that the AI toy dropped its guardrails the longer a conversation went on, until hitting rock bottom on incredibly disturbing topics."

This is so awkward I thought I was following Orpheus out of the underworld but it turns out it was just some other guy wearing similar pants

"No, you see, they killed James Bond. MY name is Bondjames Bond."

It's crazy that Cleopatra lived closer to the extinction of the dinosaurs than she did to the building of the pyramids.

The dissonance between "I should wear a mask" and "I will allow my socks to directly touch a transit seat" is astonishing.

hand coming out of pumpkin, typing an email response to whatever dumb email you sent me

you: "sent from my iPhone"

me:

New Work by Gary Larson | TheFarSide.com Get an exclusive look at brand new cartoons and artwork from cartoonist Gary Larson, creator of the iconic comic strip The Far Side®.

It's kinda cool that Gary Larson is doing new cartoons because he picked up a digital tablet, taught himself how to use it, and it made him love drawing again.

www.thefarside.com/new-stuff/

protect toddler's head being stuck by their curious talent

no shadows, no souls

Buying babyproofing products is a great experience because you constantly have to wonder "should I trust this company that doesn't bother to spellcheck their ad copy and badly photoshops the pictures of their products with the life of my child?" (the answer is always yes: I have no choice)

I have no idea who this man is, other than his name, and I also don't follow this sub, but I have learned everything about him and his horrible treatment of his dog through constant reddit headlines

A sci-fi story containing the phrase "Let's Make America Strong Again"

Was reading a short story written in the 70s (printed in Harlan Ellison's posthumous "Last Dangerous Visions") and saw this fun little prediction

the "you have to tell me if you're a cop" people made their own license plates

me, 3 rows away, loudly and repeatedly, to no one: "Is this a plane, or a tray? An ice cube tray? Get it? Because that one guy over there? Looks kinda like that guy? A tray!" *presses attendant call button until someone acknowledges my joke*

I love that you're doing "we don't need (blank), we have (blank) at home" to yourself

thor, giving a lil wink, because he gets it

One of Britain’s most senior police officers has launched an angry tirade against Extinction Rebellion protesters going “all floppy” when they get arrested. Sir Stephen House, the deputy commissioner of the Metropolitan police, said the tactic of going limp was a “flipping nuisance” as it required extra officers to drag protesters away. House told a London assembly police and crime committee hearing: “We have asked them to stop being floppy. And that might seem like a silly thing to say, but when we arrest them and pick them up, they go all floppy, which is why you see four or five officers carrying them away. It’s a complete waste of officers’ time, and a complete pain in the neck.” Extinction Rebellion: how successful were the latest protests? Read more House also expressed annoyance at how the tactic made the police look heavy-handed. He said: “The problem with them going floppy and four offices carrying them away [is that it] looks to the general public like police are overreacting here. We’re not making them go floppy. They’re just sort of being a nuisance.”

This gets progressively funnier with every use of the term "floppy".

The actual race against China is renewables and we are losing badly

Ground the choppers The LAPD's helicopter mania is both a policy disaster and a symbol of our malignant, badly functioning surveillance state.

LAPD choppers are a malignant nuisance. They're harbingers of surveillance, operated *continuously*—yet the city's own data show they raise stress, impair cognition and burn 100,000s of gallons of gas. The best part? there's no evidence they deter or reduce crime at all.

It's time to ground them.