The dentist told me it would be an extra 5 hundo to have a gold tooth instead of regular, so I didn't get it but like...maybe I should have? Maybe I could have brought him some of the gold I'm not using?

The best part of the stadium series goalie fight was that instead of playing (pedestrian) "fight for your right", they had (god-tier) "never scared" all queued up and ready

I bought a plaid airport robe but I forgot I only ever bring a carry on...and the robe literally weighs 4 lbs...

I'm starting to realize that its impossible to put too many chocolate chips in your chocolate chip cookies

I was looking for a nice pair of airport pajamas but I guess all you really need is a plaid robe. Or one printed with cardinals and holly

They should have a twilight zone marathon for Thanksgiving too

I thought everyone was wearing pink sugar but now I think they're all wearing love don't be shy. I still might buy some pink sugar tho

I made homemade almond paste and it both smells and tastes like play doh

I wish there was a little free pantry where I could put all my gently used hair products :/

I wish someone would give me a big thing of riches

I can't think of a situation where I would need to wear shorts and a sweatshirt

Behold the ravages of age!

Now that I'm Old I can only drink one cup of coffee a day or else I won't be able to sleep. But lately I've been waking up with a headache that I think might be caused by caffeine withdrawl....

I'm surprised that its almost 20 years since I graduated from college! I didn't mind when it was 20 years since I graduated high school. I always knew I'd become old one day but I didn't expect to be double old

I just bought this liberty fabric that was expensive to begin with, and then I had to pay an extra $20 in fake government price gouge cUsToMs FeEs so now its too expensive to use for anything

I don't really care about hearing the guy's side of the story in "all cried out"

I normally like most food and bev or at the least i can choke down something i still find unpleasant. But this trolli flavored mountain dew is disgusting. It has three different artifical sweeteners!!

Many people are asking

Everyone at the laundromat is pretty chill though. Probably because we're all in the same shitty situation (having to use the laundromat)

Sometimes I think I don't even need to bring my own detergent to the laundromat. The other patrons fill up the detergent cup like homer with lighter fluid

In this pleasant idyll between braces off and implant installed i forgot to buy and eat a bag of Snyders honey mustard pretzel chunks...lov the cronch...

Wow what a beauty

I wanted to tell you that I just got a bill for the part insurance didn't cover, but there is the "botox savings program". You email them the info they need and then they send you a reimbursement check!

I dreamed I went back to school, but I was able to find my classroom and easily complete my assignments 🥴

I don't know what to wear to my haircut. I always want to wear something funky so they give me a cool cut but all my funky clothes are vintage, so what if they accidentally cut my clothes while they're cutting my hair? This won't happen, I just have anxiety

I like in "highway to hell" when he says "all my friends are gonna be there too". Thats so funny

I might have been able to afford a child if I didn't have to buy myself all the stuff my parents should have (college, glasses, braces, etc etc) maybe I should treat myself to gymnastics lessons

This morning before work I watched thats entertainment on TCM, then when I got in the car they were playing Duke Ellington on the radio so I just went with it

Since I got rid of all my social media I didn't even realize college football is already back. I mean the new season of Fansville