@crackpotopus.bsky.social
https://crackpotopus.substack.com I'm Crackpotopus and this is CrackpotOpus. And I wanna save myself from a one-liner obituary. Only one way to do that.
It takes a lot more effort than you think
open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
mom was like, "We have Mid-Century Modern at Home"
20.12.2025 04:26 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
A vibe is a vibe, you can't say it's only a console limitation open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
14.11.2025 21:51 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
From 2014 to 2021, there was a YouTube channel called Clapham Junction that posted nothing but banger albums. It was so good that commenters just talked about how much they loved the curated channel. Does anyone know what happened to it? Put it in the wayback machine www.youtube.com/channel/UCXe...
01.10.2025 04:24 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
My grandpa was in the war and he said he would have shot Patrick over this
20.09.2025 03:42 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
I tell you what DMAA was something different
10.09.2025 21:59 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 1 ๐ 0
Every tutorial for heroin injections is like "This is a fun and chill vibe for the weekend" while every low flow restrictor removal tutorial is like "This is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THIS VIDEO IS JUST FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. FOLLOW ALL YOUR LOCAL LAWS!!!!"
14.08.2025 15:48 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
They have been force-feeding me at the TESLA Diner for 9 hours now. I'm chained to a vegan leather seat forced to shovel $12 Epic Bacon in my mouth while livestreaming to tesla shareholders via Pi Tablet. Someone comes off mute. It's Musk. He says, "hold up spork". I hold it up
24.07.2025 02:38 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
More like Kurt Vonneroidgut. Goddamn
18.07.2025 00:33 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Chilling in a time that was, and may never be again
06.07.2025 00:06 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 1 ๐ 0
I've never done anything in my life that made me feel as nauseatingly awful as this
23.04.2025 05:19 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Crazy how you can watch The Lazer Collection 3 once as a kid and have your humor button broken for life
20.04.2025 01:36 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Internet Explorer 11 was actually the best web browser, but nobody is ready for this conversation
31.03.2025 01:35 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
look. We ALL know Sid the Science Kid grew up to be Allosexual. But do we really need to hear about it every 5 seconds?
25.03.2025 02:16 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Giving Jack Sparrow a dad sucked ass. It demystifies the lore surrounding the character. He's a wildcard that Elizabeth and Will can't trust, but bumbles through the plot with suave and charisma. By the end of these movies Jack has the lore of a deviantart OC
02.03.2025 02:56 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Polar Express (2004)
22.02.2025 18:14 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
I DON'T hope this email finds you well. I hope it had to go through every possible server and ends as the bottom of the queue. I hope it gets flagged as junk and spam AND that it gets autodeleted so that you never find it. The authentication for the Sonic Drive-In account is GONE
07.02.2025 21:08 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
What if there was a toaster that just fucking shoots you?
05.02.2025 02:23 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Me and the boys in second grade discussing the George Lopez episode you stayed up late to watch after the Full House block when mom thought you were asleep
04.02.2025 04:13 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
Man, billboards south of the Mason-Dixon Line can get pretty weird
02.02.2025 18:37 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
We're not some stuffy cubicle farm. We work hard, with a twist :)
And they wonder why nobody wants to return to the office
If I could snap my fingers and remove eggshell gray from every wall, ceiling, and floor in the world I would. The Siege of Cathage would look like mercy compared to the total eggshell gray annihilation. I won't stop until the thought of it is a distant memory that fades with time
01.02.2025 18:28 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
We were all out here laughing when we should have all been learning. New article just dropped open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
30.01.2025 06:47 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0It was me actually. I was tired of all the pigeons on my fire escape, and they looked so cute when they were babies. Fast forward two years and they just won't stop having kids. To be fair to me, how was I supposed to know this would happen?
20.01.2025 17:17 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
For all you goofs coming over from TikTok here's some new rules to catch you up
โชEveryone is suffering. Despite the infinite knowledge of the information age, we have all chosen bondage. We've found comfort in powerlessness and safety in outrage without action
My warm friends at the Jefferson Park Transit Center
18.01.2025 19:35 โ ๐ 1 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0djfkdkrjfkd137.bsky.social just followed me. Try not to be too jealous
17.01.2025 22:38 โ ๐ 0 ๐ 0 ๐ฌ 0 ๐ 0
