Nuclear Winter

hey girl, are you the swamp of sadness? (cause you ate my fucking horse again)

i’m just really out of step it feels like

You know we're doomed to die together & not before 💀😘

I see your light on all night an' you up doing some vampire shit.

What's your verdict?

Okay, tornadoes & flooding in LA it totally normal.

Printing off Mapquest directions…to my heart

Two (2) weeks in the same pants – a love story

me: what’s a good haircut
chatbot: Death is freeing.
me: hair
chatbot: Let your body die. Your soul will persist.

God: Make them itch

Also God: Make scratching the worst thing you can do when you itch

[talking loudly on phone near group of teens] yeah doc says i’m too rizzed up. wants me to stop beansmaxxing but i won’t do it

It’s important to look as dumb as possible so people won’t ask you shit

If two strong friends lift each other off the ground at the same time they will soar through the air forever

Second base is when we work a jigsaw puzzle and hold hands while wearing matching sweaters

I feel like maybe I could grow quills to ward off strangers if I wished hard enough.

Who up wuthering they heights

RFK Jr *snorting coke off a toilet seat*:
I'M NOT AFRAID OF GERMS

The Worm In RFK Jr's Brain: ᴵ'ᵐ ᵈʸᶦⁿᵍ

MY BLOOD PRESSURE APP'S NOT WORKING. I'M FURIOUS.

This site really sucks now (I’m not getting enough attention).

Entertainment Weekly headline: 'ANTM' returning for cycle 25, Tyra Banks says: 'My work is not done'

[threateningly]

Wrote in my Gratitude Journal this morning, like I do every day, that I’m particularly thankful for my Spite Journal, which now comprises several handsome volumes.

in the absence of electricity, water, and internet, we became very interested in birds

A white duck in a straw boater hat.

“One duck, please.”
“Plain or fancy?”
“Fancy, please.”
“Coming right up.”

BREAKING: Viewers of “Melania” Documentary Receive Call Telling Them They Will Die in 7 Days

A dachshund stands in a store, visible through glass doors marked with a "no dachshunds" graphic silhouette sign. The interior shows shopping carts and tiled flooring.

BECOME UNGOVERNABLE

my grandmother died in 1992 so i have no idea if i’ve continued to get more handsome since then

Accidentally blew my nose with a Clorox wipe and now I have a blonde mustache

I can do all the performance art in the world but the one thing I won’t perform is sanity. Anyway, an ill wind is blowing and everything is about to explode.

Fate itself has it out for me.

THIS COLD DARK RECTANGLE OF SAD AND GLASS IS NOT GIVING ME THE SUPPORT AND COMFORT I REQUIRE.