Glad that you never let yourself get acclimated to the constant lying on their part.

extremely ouch.

Me: sorry boss can't make it in today
Boss: ok
Me: came down with something bad
Boss: oh no
Me: a bad case-
Boss: please don't
me: -of loving you

Time to check your carbon monoxide alarms, and if you don't have them please get them.

probably the least punk rock thing you can do is use the name of a music genre as an adjective

a cartoon character with big eyes and a feather in his hair ALT: a cartoon character with big eyes and a feather in his hair

Our federal government.

I like it when some smart and funny people are a little bit crazy, like their grip is a little bit loose, but that's what let's them swing the racket so hard.

Me falling down: "it's ok, I'll think of something before I hit the ground."

"circling back" in the form of a witch's cursing ritual

If you're a successful and powerful person, kinda sucks that in the next life you're going to be a weirdo who believes in past lives.

Pretty smart of dogs to outsource their brain processing to us, with all the drawbacks that it entails.

Now that it's been twenty five years I'm dropping the "twenty."

I don't want to hear your tales of woe, tell me your tales of woah.

Secret Santa is pure dead weight loss, but White Elephant is market forces hard at work revealing preferences.

The modern era requires you to be a digital Perseus, holding up a mirror to the Abyss so that you may slay it without turning to stone.

Flash animation will require digital archaeologists to unearth these treasures.

Do you mean Yatta / Irrational Exuberance?

Squeezing loose bits of cookie dough to make balls and I feel like Superman making diamonds.

Rollerblades almost completely lack lateral movement, the concept of getting an edge on ice (or not) is disconcerting but also more fun.

if you've seen one santa you've seen a mall

I think Emily Dickinson and I would have gotten along pretty well – she with her nosegays and nervous prostration, I with my moth-eaten beaver hat and consumption – just a couple of nobodies sitting on the grass in a treeless boneyard watching Dave pop a squat by the granite headstones

In Polish would it be pronounced "blefski?"

tattoo artist: [halfway through garfield tattoo] so do you like lasagna too ha ha
me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?

Aragorn: you have my sword
Legolas: and my bow
Gimli: and my axe
Me: and my ninja stars
Aragorn: who keeps inviting this guy

When To Gillian On Her 37th Birthday was released I thought "ew 37, so old" but now I think "wow, 37, like a newborn babe."

Huey Lewis, you might want to ask for Hot Lovin' Every Other Night.

What, you think Vibes don't matter? Vibes alone can turn mayonnaise into aioli.

Mom had to plunk some serious cash, got an IBM clone from a Korean gray box shop in LA ~'88.

I think that's key: most people didn't have name brand, everyone went mom n pop gray boxes. Computer Shopper was full of ads with parts/prices, Dell was one of the first to sell for similar $.

Catch the Spirit of Giving!
(to me)

I like the way your neurons are organized.