Crack Addicted Whore

Conservative man hearing about stir-fry for the first time:

"STIR-fry? Sounds controversial."

Reading about the Goon Town Massacre

I hope this email finds you immobile and stuffed in a bakery.

Hello, sexual friends! How are you?

I gooned so hard
And got so faaaaarrr
In the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fart
To lose it aaaaaalll
In the end
It doesn't even mat-te-e-e-e-e-er

No no no. He's very much alive. He's actually feeling much better now.

I'm so happy for you and your wife

My teddy bear just pooped this out

Hey babe. Let's eat chocolate together

A fake poster for "Battlestar Sciatica," a takeoff on "Battlestar Galactica."

Not a fan of the reboot.

This week, on My Strange Addiction...

"I can't stop picking my nose."

Crunge:

Cringe + Grunge

Now is the winter of our incontinence

I got a scary dingaling

Greetings, future sexual partner. How is the evening treating you?

alright that's all I got I'm going to have a responsible amount of candy and watch muppets haunted mansion until I realize it kinda sucks compared to the classics then watch baseball

This sounds like the beginning of an introduction in the "The Twilight Zone"

Fun Fact: You can give out anything on Halloween. It doesn't have to be candy.

An hour ago I gave a kid my cable bill.

My anxiety: *epic laser-gun battle noises*

Sup dawg?!

In the throes of macaroni

Adopting a child in the hopes that it will teach me responsibility

Consuming so much caffeine that I have a panic attack. I'm on top of the world

Me: I am Team Ovulating

You: *says "Ugh" and scrolls past

Sissy said I have pee-pee on my hands, but I smelled my hands and they didn't smell like pee-pee! 😤

Who ya gonna call?

My mo-ther!

Dis bitch teachin me cuneiform

Swaaaag!!!