Gabby HC's books make ideal festive presents

Singing pope

Some
BODY
Once told me, this wafer's kind of holy,
It ain't a piece of regular bread

Hanging with his Lutheran Text
And contraceptive sex
Trying to modernise me

The Pope, crooning into a mic

No, I don't want to do Christingle,
No, that is blood and not just wine
No, priests can't date, they must be single
No, the British King can't take up my time coz
No, I don't want No Prod
A prod is a guy who won't get wafers from me

The Pope crooning into a mic

🎶Hey, just baptised ya
And this is crazy:
Don't use condom,
Have 13 babies🎶

£2bn? Gosh, I hope they did it responsibly

*Stardew theme*
🎶Grandad died sev'ral years ago
And he gave me his farm
Brought the town drunk to live on it
As his ghost watches with alarm🎶

A high profile powerful older man you say?

huh I wonder why an established newspaper doesn't want the epstein files - files surely full of high profile older men - to come out when the press famously has no sexual predators in positions of power in it at all

Please hear me when I say that

1) these anti-medical woo birth movements have been a primary feeder into anti-vaxx eugenic movements

2) they pre-date the age of social media

3) they exist because we have not addressed medical sexism and specifically obstetric violence

❤️🇧🇷Love your journey for all of you🇧🇷❤️

'The covid in him has mutated so much it has become sentient, and it would be cruel to jail such a being for its host's crimes'

Tired: oh but you have to admit at least Trump is funny
Wired: if you have a crooked, criminal, coup attempting, hard right chaos president, it's much MUCH funnier to watch them repeatedly try & fail to escape going to prison for their crimes, in increasingly silly ways

An Hieronymus

Leader Of The Opposition

Yeah. this is why I double wrap these days, royal mail ALWAYS manage to damage it somehow

Remember when the entire RW UK press & the now LOTO believed this completely because they'd seen some school bullies say it in a tiktok & it was front page news on the Telegraph for like a week & the now LOTO set Ofsted on the school who came back & went 'nah turns out that's bollocks'

In a Spectator Op Ed

Happy Birthday Paul!

Aww yay! Thank you for supporting Children In Read, & glad they got there in good condition (hope you enjoyed my very professional packing method of 'old sainsburys bag, then parcel paper with the everliving shit sellotaped out of it')

Prison.

There are plenty of links between the anti-trans “women’s rights” movement & anti-feminist conservatism. And opposing abortion is a logical conclusion for a movement that says no, you should not have agency over your own body; no, you do not know best about yourself; no, you have no choice.

Me: always pay your freelance artists!
Me, seeing how much The Cartoonist Matt gets paid for his route one doodles: not like that

Subs: £0
AI 'sources' for tales of posh person financial woe: £0
Matt drawing a woman saying "timmy's going to have to identify as a state school boy" into a landline phone as a man reads a newspaper with "vat on private school" written on it: £5,000,000

Please help us, our newspaper is starving

Paying Matt £2 million a year and hiring the masturbating Nazi child from Knives Out to do the typing seemed like such an obvious win

Thumbs up if you're a... *my lawyer pulls a lever, making me fall through a trapdoor*

Can't believe the bold editorial principle of 'just make shit up & print it, including laughably false stories about families who all have the same 1st name' might be putting off readers looking for a reliable broadsheet news source!

If i'd known the telegraph were in that much financial trouble, i'd have loudly offered them 5 billion quid and then 2 days later quietly slipped them a note saying 'clarification: with regards to our earlier statement, the 5 billion quid does not exist & if it did it would not be used to buy you.'

Threatened with JAIL over a PRONOUN (and... Uh... harassing school children day in day out for years on end)

The system works!

*whiny RoI and/or UK centrist journalist voice* but all they did was misuse a succulent pronoun!