Ash

A red BMW 2 Series with the vanity plate “LIL SQRT”

Me when I don’t hit my daily water intake goals

cover painting for 'The Visitors' by Clifford D Simak a pair of tiny figures stand on a hillside while a gigantic black obelisk floats overhead the figures are captioned 'chatting on the timeline with your friend' and the menacing obelisk is captioned 'a total stranger about to drop the worst reply you've ever read

many such cases

here on Bluesky "barely legal" means you're 37

posting on bluesky adds a decade to your age, sorry to say

sharing the cognitive load is apparently *not* two people sucking you off at the same time, my bad my bad

sean connery: worship of ashes, you shay?

fucking farmer's league

Many are saying Benfica

When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go
Offline

be a faggot. be a pervert. enjoy life

okay we get it you're going to be the Tory candidate

homeopathic polling

"Shows which glamourise an evil profession" amiright

a rarefied poll in which more people were involved in designing it than actually responding to it

okay I'm sorry but I fundamentally do not see how this is anything other than victim-blaming Brianna??

Brianna met her killers, one of whom was a friend, in broad daylight. How is that some kind of online-influenced risk-taking?? They could have been meeting up to go to the cinema

somehow, Quibi returned

if anybody wants to make a proper non-fast fashion version of this...

a rapscallion is actually called a rapspringonion in England

Ever tried boiled pasta? Not as crunchy but still good

If you or a man you know thinks that condoms are uncomfortable, you are probabaly just wearing the wrong size. Try an online size variety pack and see what fits you instead. It'll improve you sex life!

also co-signing the recommendation of Loovara; I've tried some "custom" sized ones from a couple of regularly-mentioned brands and always found them to be really bad, but Loovara are genuinely fantastic IMHO

YES! See this guest blog for more. www.girlonthenet.com/blog/finding... You are cinderella and your dick deserves a glass slipper that fits perfectly. Or something wittier that I'm too ill to come up with right now.

"supreme head of the church of England" is what I call getting a blowjob from a priest

"Watch out! I know Crane stance kung-fu!"

*accidentally invites two ladies to the same opera on the same night, gooseberrys a meal between my brother and my father's live-in carer*

Me opening JIRA: there better not be any goddamn jiras in here

Dr Strangelove: or how I learned to stop worrying and live laugh love the bomb

"my parents were smart and successful, which is why they're so ashamed that I'm running for public office"

when you're sexting and they confuse you're and your 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

it's called cuckqueaning because that's your queen

average right-wing MP candidate: yeah my parents were actually dumb as shit. and my grandparents were fucking idiots. just utter simpletons all the way back