superherofbmx

The Liberals wouldn’t know Australian values if they bit them on the arse. #Auspol.

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

DAMMIT JOURNEY THERE IS NO SOUTH DETROIT

Did you know that strawberries are not berries, and are actually mammals?

hr: you need to be more respectful to your colleagues
me: who reported me — horse teeth or the mouth breather?

Can someone please give the guy from Chicago PD a cough drop? I've seen driveways with less gravel.

It sucks how we all have to do our regular jobs plus the FBI's job too.

[running up to the microphone, completely out of breath, handles the microphone, feedback] THREETH

a radioactive spider bit me and now it won’t get out of bed

they should invent gogurt for sit-down meals. call it staygurt

I'm in a long-term relationship, 30-year-fixed at 5.3% APR

Band name and album title right here. Cum Tsunami by Sperm Flood

I don’t think there should be a separate doubles luge event. It should be a single event that awards bonus points for each extra guy

I once thought I was straight. turns out I was just hungry

Found my new rap name.

(too soon?)

Go to the arcade and get that Frogger high score before the world ends.

Scientists got bored after watching the Earth rotate for 24 hours.

So they called it a day

Me: Promises her the world

Also me: Gives her a globe

My timeline is half leftists complaining about Gavin Newsom and half liberals complaining about Graham Platner and I'd like to propose that we launch both of them into the sun together.

Tags at the end of 2008 smoking gun article: Jeffrey Epstein, Pop Tarts, Sausage, Prison

tagging as an art-form, courtesy of the smoking gun

With all of the flagrant corruption we know about, imagine what we don’t.

Repeat after me:

Gavin Newsom is a vainglorious, amoral piece of shit who will change positions on the fly if he stands to benefit

I do not have to compromise my values to support ANY piece of shit would-be candidate when the election is over two years away

I was on the fence about how old you were until you talked about a movie and used the phrase "special effects".

Holy shit

re:your "Ace Ventura goes to Epstein Island" script—we like the concept. We th ink its very good. But it borrows too many jokes from AV1 & 2

Hoping I live to see the day I can select a particular flavor like banana pudding or clam chowder

babies are such bullshit. i’ve had my babies, raised my babies and yet every time i see a baby i think “i’d have another baby” that’s some kind of devil magic right there.

I finished my apprenticeship as a plumber

I’m finally toilet trained

Remember in the 90s when we were getting fucked to Gregorian chants? Good times.