Dave Cactus

Don't be ridiculous!

🎼 Generals gathered in their masses
🎸 Freddie likes girls with fat asses

Expressionistic realism of a woman with one side of her face somewhat rendered and the other fading into the background. The oil painting is in hues of green, blue, and pops of pink

I also painted for the first time in a long while today. It’s little different than my normal, but I went in with absolutely no plan except to play.

Papa ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow
papa ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow
Ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow
Papa ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow
Papa ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow
Oom oom oom oom, ooma mow mow
Papa ooma mow mow, papa oom oom oom
Oom ooma mow mow, papa ooma mow mow

Let he who is without typo cast the first [sic].

This day in history, August 8 Whether you save it, spend it, or use it for a well-deserved coffee break-- today, we tip our hats to the mighty dollar.

In honor of National Dollar Day, please give me one or more dollars
www.wjhg.com/2025/08/08/t...

I like when flies won't leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.

We got an electric blanket so now I call all of our other ones acoustic blankets.

Computer, stop showing me ai shit

A restaurant menu showing foods under various headers, including one curiosly labeled "delicious items."

I was kind of hoping more than 3 food items would be delicious here, but I do appreciate the heads up.

Please do not be a li’l stinker, I am very sensitive and delicate.

Vince McMahon: who’s there? show yourself!

Hulk Hogan’s ghost: *carrying many chains* IN LIFE I WAS YOUR PARTNER DUDE, THESE ARE THE 24 INCH PYTHONS I FORGED IN LIFE BROTHER

Doctor: Your wrist pain is from repetitive motion. Can you stop doing it at work?

[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]

Me: Sadly, no

We're slashing everything here, prices, tires, your mother, we will literally kill you in this Walmart parking lot

I wasn't born to do computers and stare at the walls. I was born to be filthy rich, have my toes sucked, and be fed peeled grapes all day, and by night, wear a fantastic spandex costume and punch nazis. Stupid modern world

“keep your friends close”

[puts friends in right front jeans pocket]

“but keep your enemies closer”

[puts enemies in little pocket that’s inside right front jeans pocket]

in the old days you owned like 20 movies and you watched those bitches like 700 times each

found out my wife was cheating on me at a limp bizkit concert

it was the fred worst

Weed post with 4 reposts, 20 likes.

Thank you!

Elton John’s neighbor: more like racket man

I've already dialed the 9 then 1 and my finger's hovering over the 1 because someone is about to put ranch on their pizza

God, and Jesus alike!

BARMAN: You're not getting served in here
SNAKE: Why not?
BARMAN: Because you can't hold your drink

just ate a frank. sorry. i meant a Frank. didn’t relish it but i mustered the courage to do it. took about 5 minutes (Ballpark™️ estimate)

The best part about being "just friends" is screaming I LIKE YOU!! at the climax

Street signs: the top one says “no parking any time” with an arrow pointing to the left / the bottom one says “60 min parking all other times”

I may be too firmly grounded in the space-time continuum to park here.

INVENTOR OF THE WORD "TALK": i'm gonna add a silent letter in there just to fuck with everybody lol

INVENTOR OF THE WORD "LISTEN": lmao that's hilarious ima do that too

*tapping glass loudly in the bar* I'd like to rescind my last toast

Jeez Louise is short for Jesus Louisus