Dave Cactus

This has been a Work and Werk Production.

Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored

Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored https://theonion.com/bored-national-guard-goes-door-to-door-asking-if-chicagoans-have-any-order-they-need-restored/

me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping?
flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit
me: oh thank god

We need a Care Bear that radiates common sense out of its belly

#cactustober number 7! #inktober #art #digitalart #cute

An orange construction sign that says WORK CONVOY.

The host of Win, Lose, or Draw?!

vintage record store going out of business, all sales vinyl

I'm so sorry, friend. 💚💚💚

if you’re charging $40 for your haunted house i better be able to fuck a ghost or at the very least make pottery with one.

Movies:
Pretty
Awesome,
Amiright?

Top 5 for sure, but "New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits. Chinese food makes me sick" almost makes up for it, and I still think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer.

I have 73 work emails.

*closes email*

[my first day as OB/GYN]
ME: *waving a lollipop* Heeeere, baby baby baby.

Godzillow is just a large monster that will help you buy a house

Steven Tyler arriving in the State of Washington: 🎶 I'm back in Seattle again! I'm baaaack! 🎶

[smoke alarm going off in the kitchen]
ME: What's that smell?
LAURENCE FISHBURNE: ˢᵒʳʳʸ

*taking my growth serum and towering over the local McDonald's*

Ha ha ha! This burger is merely a Mac to me! Ha ha ha!

JIMMY FALLON: If you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times, I’m outta here.

I put a little tray next to the toilet that reads, "Give a shit Take a shit."

Not that good, braggart.

A sign that says DRUG, except for the letter U, which is missing. What a dr g

It's drug time! The only thing missing is U

Alley

be a cactus: stand tall, be strong, and do harm to anyone who tries to touch you without your consent

I have five fuzzy dice in my car so I can play fuzzy yahtzee

There have always been trans people.

There will always be trans people.

The only "trans agenda" is to live authentically.

Removing trans rights, banning trans people from sports, taking away care for trans people puts you on the wrong side of history.

Trans rights are human rights 🩵💗🤍

Trans Lives Matter Men's T-Shirt | bornmiserable's shop of horrors Trans Lives Matter on Men's T-Shirt – an homage to trans people and Transformers (who also identify as more than meets the eye) FUCK TERFS AND BIGOTS I HAVE SPOKEN

REMINDER: my Trans Lives Matter shirt is available at bornmiserable.threadless.com. show your support for the trans community, plus 100% of the profits go directly to the Trevor Project and the Center For Transgender Equality DO IT NOW I HAVE SPOKEN

bornmiserable.threadless.com/designs/tran...

Ninja cat fighting a robot

Octopus wizard

Cat in a space ship saying bye and leaving earth

It cost $0 to repost my mspaint art 🎨

(making friends at the bar)
It's only college football 🙄

When I say I am the GOAT, I'm referring to my BODY ODOR.