I Shouldn’t Be This Tired

Vote Donald for student class president

🔥

Hope someone took you out and showed you off in that dress

Wow

Future documentaries will be like
“I was just following orders”
“The news said they were murderers”
“You have no idea how much eggs cost”

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities
- Voltaire

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Apparently Christianity has become too woke for American Evangelicals. Also, they say the church isn’t the place to call out evil deeds. I mean, who would do such a thing?

Christmas trees are so much beautiful when you have astigmatism

Get it together, I’ll bring the coffee

Any random white guy could tell me he was in Imagine Dragons and I’d have no choice but to believe him.

Perfect time to cuddle up under a blanket with some coffee

Big interview, wish me luck 🤞

Typically do abstract, but giving something different a try

Jay-Z definitely has 100 problems now

I don’t like dogs. Most people think that makes me a psychopath

What age do you outgrow biting your cheek when you eat? It’s not 42.

We need an Undercover Boss where Jesus visits an evangelical church.

No, but I always find ways to undermine her boyfriend that’s back home closing a multimillion dollar deal that would set them up for life instead of being back at her hometown for Christmas.

The glass plate from your microwave

Hallmark movies gave me unrealistic expectations of how easy it would be to meet a woman simply by wearing a flannel shirt.

Those of us that know what’s going on don’t vote for or support him, so he doesn’t care what we think or know. Those that do follow him and blissfully uniformed and will go along with whatever he says.

Yes! That’s what I’ve been saying

Buying a cybertruck seems like an awfully expensive way to tell people you're bad at sex.

We never discuss the emotional labor of guys holding back great jokes and comebacks to not make their girl cry.

art teacher: Is that a bird or a plane?

young clark kent: *crumples self portrait*