Tusk Jenkins

in what level of hell do you find in person group meetings

Relax bro. Don't get your dockers in a wad

big ole toad that only says “fuck you”

Look at Fuck You Toad for a little while, think about its message, and when the time comes you must say say Fuck You Fuck You Toad and it will crawl back into its stump. That’s just how it works, this is the law of Fuck You Toad.

Rookie move taking my Adderall before a 90 minute massage, but now I have a shitload of intrusive thoughts worth exploring.

I feel like the world is really close to that point where I can just pour bags of M&Ms straight into my mouth several times a day

In my day

we locked metal contraptions with wheels to our sneakers and rode into oncoming traffic

so yeah go wild..get that extra shot of pumpkin,Maurice

no thanks hamburger, you've helped enough

Maybe you didn't come here to be seduced, but a hunk of last night's 11 p.m. pizza crust just fell out of my nightgown.

carefully watch the seasons change and never forget that night language cannot be understood in daylight

Rooster is home from work early!

It's ridiculous how excited I am to see him. After nearly twenty years. When he's only been gone for the day.

I'm like a Labrador retriever.

Honest to god.

sometimes me n these friends eat lunch together

Only one truth is the truthiest:

Quality women love apathy.

some advances are really minusvances, it called The shit fuck Effect

a patch of orange hardy mums and another of white ones that are turning pink. The overall shape resembles a heart.

hearty mums

Oh delicious snack-cup sized Aldi guacamole you are so adorable with this “contains 7 servings” stuff

I don’t know where I stand, so I’m just going to roll around on the floor.

Some asshole squirrel keeps butt plugging the dryer vent with a pinecone and fucking up my laundry process

A limo used to signify wealth. Now if you’re in a limo, you have a substance abuse problem or you’re going to prom

When death takes you too seriously get conceived during a prank phone call

I shot the sheriff but I didn't shoot the deputy seems like a terrible alibi.

“MEATALLICA” back tattoo

enter sandwichman

[abruptly stops my nunchuck routine] I do.

just saw a bunch of cool bugs having a little party on my balcony

how will we locate the next incarnation of Rip Torn?

*building an ark except it's for all of the animals and insects and maybe some plants and trees and shrubbery and some rocks and shells and*

*stops building an ark in favor of coming up with a method of scrubbing humans from the face of the earth*

There used to be beautiful furniture devoted to holding newspapers and magazines.

Just felt like reminding you guys.

Donuts with smiley faces, five with happy expressions and one with a sad expression, displayed on a metal tray.

“I want that one,” said the kid in the dirty SpongeBob t-shirt, a malevolent look on his pinched face. Donald saw a single, sticky finger pointed right at him, and his creamy filling went cold. He let out a scream as the square of wax paper closed around him like a death shroud.

(opening one eye)

my everything hurts

Happy mushroom day